multiple choice

Ok. before I start working on Ej, I stretched my arms and begin typing this. So far, my weekend is nice. Friday night, I went out with Chinee, Minai, and Lina. We watched The Secret at the PT room. While watching, I thought, maybe if I draw a picture of Tsard and I inside my head, The law of Attraction may take place. hmm.. then i said, "nah!" After the film we ate at Hapagkainan then we went The Pit Grillery and I got drunk. Ye, it was fun with the random talks and noises we had. Then, saturday morning, I heared foot steps in my room and I was awaken but I played sleeping. It was Vincent, my brother opened my drawer and there he found a box of cigarette. He went out and told my parents I smoked. I heared my brother went back to my room and closed the drawer. While he was sneaking out of my room, I whispered, "Lagot ka saking bata ka." There, he ran out. haha. I was afraid that my parents might scold me but they didn't. Afternoon, I went to UP for UP AME where Deki attended as the evil girl reporter in Death Note. I also had fun because Et, Fei, Celine and Joy came. Haha. Our prof, Ms. Binkie was also at the same bldg just to pee. haha. Men, I saw lots of cosplayers. huhu. there, I want to cosplay again. I remember Etto from Downelink who invited me to join their Shippuden. I sent a message to him that I want to be Sai of Naruto in their Shippuden. The only problem is, Sai has a fine body and I don't. The thing I miss that day is eating Musashi. ouuugh! delicious!!

I really love japanese culture. The people, cosplaying, food, and gay people. There are a number of gay people attending anime conventions. Maybe my futuree is in this stuff. I rember an article I read from Paoplo's blog about Gay Jpop couple. See, I can live in their culture. haha. But lately, I felt in love with this girl again. yikes! (I'm bisexual, again!?) Oh men, I don't know how I'm gonna deal with this. Daisukidayo!!!

2nd chances or moving on

While I was watching Marimar, Monica texted me, asking for quotes that somehow says something about asking for a 2nd chance. I told her,"I don't have quotes like that, I only have quotes about moving on." Then I forwarded to her all those collection of forwarded messages I kept. Then while I was printing on a shirt, Tsard texted me, asking me if i need to ask something to him. Weird huh? I thought he read my blog entries but wtf, it's just his intuition. My stupid mouth/fingers told him that I'm blogging my emotions for the things happened between us that dumped me to the "cliff of despair." I didn't know what to do. I muddled. I asked him what's the need to open "the topic" but he didn't reply. I texted again and with frank words, I end it. I think I should live with friendship. I don't want to demand something he doesn't want to give. My life is not like Marimar's and Serio's love story. I think I have done what I need to do. I'm no longer interested in finding the answers to my questions. But a part of me is asking, what if I asked for another try, would it make a difference? Oh stop it! This weekend, I'm gonna have fun. I wont regret not asking. I'm gonna get drunk with my girl friends. I'm gonna attend a cosplay convention at UP (/@first date with Tsard) and I'm gonna change my room. This is my reborn! even though I haven't fully recover, I'm open for a new love affair. I'm ready to love unconditionally... again (without thinking of history to repeat itself.)

Siguro kung hindi ako naging bakla, hindi ako iibig ng ganito, hindi makulay ang buhay kahit palaging nasasaktan.

I was about to sleep when sudenly Meckie, a classmate during highschool talked to me and we finished late already. I miss her so much. She lend money for our batch's reunion in my house 2 years ago even if she can't come to the party because she's on the other side of the earth.

bonbonito: do i know u?
meckie: meckie. duh! i hate u. nakalimutan mo na ko
bonbonito: ikaw pala yan! hahaha hindi ko lang alam yung id mo and hindi kita
meckie: hehe ano na kamusta?
bonbonito: ok naman. Nangangayayat. Pakshet. ikaw?
meckie: kala ko nman ako ung nangangayayat! hehehe aus lng..puro work pero masaya nmn
bonbonito: actualy mukha ngang pumayat ka. nu work m?
meckie: ewan ko sau pampalubag loob hahaha nurse assistant
bonbonito: o ic.. anu yon? diba nurse assistant na ng doc e ang nurse meron din? weird lol
meckie: oo. malalandi tao d2. ung gingawa ng nurse jan kami gmgawa. ung gngawa ng doctor d2, nurse ang gmgawa. ang mga dctor, ewan ko kng ano gngwa
bonbonito: musta naman lovelife?? yikes!
meckie: wala no. naman!!!! ikaw musta ang love lyf? emote kng emote. i lyk ur pic here.. kmkha mo si champ ng konti
bonbonito: lol. Thanx. yan ang buhay..
meckie: bonn, lam mo di ko lam n nag out ka..
bonbonito: e kasi wla akong pinagsabihan. basta go lang hahah
meckie: pero matagal mo ng feel un
bonbonito: ay. alam ng simplicity!!! (section ko nung 4th yr hs)
meckie: talaga?! d ko naramdaman
bonbonito: epal sila camille, mykel, at jc e... sa BEC
meckie: hehe pero masaya k naman?
bonbonito: yea, masya kasi naging ganito, makulay. malungkot kasi talagang malungkot ang buhay
meckie: wow! im happy for you. e love lyf?
bonbonito: lol. http://bonbonito.blogspot.com/ ayan, nakasulat jan.
meckie: cge bbsahin ko yan some othr tym.
bonbonito: nye hay nako. summarize ko nlng syo. walang ibang oras para ditto. rush dapat
meckie: kailangan ng moment
bonbonito: basta, marami ng dumaan sa aking kamay at umikot-ikot ngunit nabitawan ako
meckie: waah ang lalim nun
bonbonito: nye, paulit ulit ng ngyyri skn, ayoko masanay pero ganun ang ngyayari
meckie: cguro ganun lang talga.. masasaktan at matututo ka
bonbonito: siguro ganun nga talaga ang dapat ko pagdaanan
meckie: lahat nmn dumadaan sa gnyan no
bonbonito: pero ayaw ko. ang pangit. Hindi ako nagsasawa magmahal pero, pati rin ang luha, hindi nagsasawa.
meckie: sabagay, mahrap kcng malaman kng sineseryoso k nga.
meckie: ano b nging problem nio
bonbonito: itong latest, ewan ko sa kanya, ang labo nya. babaliwalaan nya lahat ng mga ginawa nya, mga pinagsmahan namen.
meckie: ang hirap nman nun..ung nag invest k n sknya ng emosyon tapos wla nmn pla...ganun?
bonbonito: yup! gago yun e. hahaha
meckie: cnabi mo! leche xa kmo hehe
bonbonito: hahahaha. haay.. pero lecha nga sya at gago, iniiyakan ko. Badtrip. o ikaw, bakit wla kang lovelife?
meckie: someday someone's gonna love me.. haha. mas ok kng wla, walang sakit
bonbonito: no bf since birth?
meckie: hahahah i know..inaasar nga ko d2 eh nbsb nga daw
bonbonito: lol. pero my point ka, walang sakit pero panu mo nalaman na masakit nga? hindi ka ba nagtataka kung bakit ang iba ay paulit-ulit na nasasaktan ngunit binabalik-balikan ang sakit na kanilang naramdaman??
meckie: waaaaaaah dialogue b sa movie ito?! haha w8... (nilagay nya sa status msg nya ang sinabi ko)
bonbonito: hindi nu. akin yan. you can quote me.
meckie: I LIKE IT!
bonbonito: LOL. ilagay ba naman ba sa status msg!?
meckie: hahaha landi mo gurl! gusto ko un. di ko maexplain. pwede bang assign n lng
bonbonito: haha. sige. homework mo yan. solve it on yourown. pwede ka rin kumuha ng tutor. i mean. bf haha
meckie: walang finish or not finish pass ur paper ha
bonbonito: sige. pero may kota. hmm.. dapat umabot ang correct answers.
meckie: right minus wrong ba ito?
bonbonito: hmm... let me think about it. OO!
meckie: waaaah cge iisipin ko to
bonbonito: hnd mo malalaman ang sagot kung hindi mo mararamdaman ang sarap sa kabila ng kasakitan na pilit pinipigilan. hehe hoy! may balak ka pa ba bumalik d2?
meckie: bayaan mo..malay mo nman ngayon nagsisiwala n ung mga un
meckie: oo nmn..
bonbonito: when? kapag may pamilya na ang lahat? kapag lahat na ng girls e nabuntis na at ikaw na lang ang hinde?
meckie: gaga ka..
bonbonito: hay nako. kelan, kapag mayaman ka na??
meckie: mayaman na ko
bonbonito: lol. edi bumalik ka na dito no! kami naman ang payamanin mo! haha
meckie: hahahhaha ang saya mong kausap bonn
bonbonito: o sya sya. dapat 10pm tulog na ako e. haha. i need to sleep na. mananaginip pa ako ng gising bago matulog. gugunitain ang baklang sumira ng aking puso at sya ring dahilan kung bakit ko pinupulot ang bawat bubog at binubuong muli. lol
meckie: o cge.. next tym n lng ulet. sasagutan ko ung assign mo skn. miss yah! take care of yourself. to hell with those guys who hurt you
bonbonito: yea. dapat lang nu na ma miss mo ako. wag naman. minahal ko sila at mamahalin pa rin pagdating ng panahon. lol. kaw din. tc! wag magkakabf para patuloy ang pagyaman!
meckie: hahah i like that! s bagay.. o xa gurl. mag beauty rest ka na. i'll pray for you
bonbonito: anu b. don't call me girl. hehe. yoko na ginagawa akong girl kahit pa pumapatol ako sa kapwa ko lalake. hindi ko naman pinangarap magka boobs at feq2x.
meckie: hahahhaa fyn! landi mo boy
bonbonito: hehe. yan! thanx. at ikaw, hopefully, girl pa rin. hihi I'll pray 4 u too.

I wish he'll be rude to me then I could hate him.

It has been 23 days since he dropped me off the cliff of despair. Then after 6 days, I bursted out and yup! It was the cliff of despair. Up to now, I still feel something for him. I have proven that I'm not a fickle minded but I have a fickle heart. I'm trying to show my friends I'm happy making myself busy just to forget him. But it's hard. He made me feel special even if we didn't commit into a reltionship. Well, I did to him. There are so many moments we shared that I wont forget. Those moments were appreciated. During the DLSU Victory Party, he asked his friends to help him to sneak me inside the campus. Then inside, he asked his friend to take a photo of the two of us. When we walk on the road, he pulls me back to the side when I tend to walk towards the middle of the road. When he helped me and my mom carry some bags of shirts from divisoria for my business and before we left my house, he said to my mom not to worry, he'll send me home early. While we sat in the jeepney, he held my waist pulling me towards him. Sigh. And his groups anniversary at malate, our common friend asked him if he love me, he said yes, he love me and I said the same. He's the one who made their banner for the anniversary and he gave me a tarpauline but his friend wants it so I gave it and he tried to get it back for me. Yet, he chose to let me go despite of all of those moments I reminisce. Sometimes, I wish I had never met him. Because then I could sleep at night not knowing there was someone like him out there. (Graham, Good Will Hunting) As of now, I collect love quotes and send it to him for him to notice my feelings. Well I hope he does. And for me, It has been 2 weeks since I started eating fastfood everyday. When I'm in school, I always eat at McDonalds because I have an upgrade card. hihihi. (Trivia: I named this pillow RB, initials of his name)

Birthday Fight Greetings

My parents are calling me for lunch but I still choose to sit in front of the PC and blog. I'm mad. Yes, I am mad and today is my Dad's birthday. I'm mad with everyone. Today is a weekend and we don't have classes. 7 o'clock in the morning, my sister woke me demanding to open my account so that she can play Tales of Pirates (TOP) Darn her! I haven't had complete sleep yet in a week and now is the chance then she disturbed me from my great slumber. We exchanged loud noises and I hate it. It destroys my day especially when my Dad asked me to open my account for my sister. My sister keeps asking to open my damned account. She also said that the computer is not mine, she'll just play the game and won't open stuffs that can destroy my reputation (haha, I don't have porn in my account!) and more blahblahs. Then she cied. My Mom said something about giving my sister a limited time to use the PC but that is not my point. 11:30 I stood from my bed, wen't down to the computer. I saw our youngest brother using the PC (he's watching anime, ciara in youtube, playing addictinggames and a transformer action figure. Men! That's one multitasking brother of mine!) I asked him where our sister is and if she use the PC already. He said yes and my sister is sleeping in her room. He doesn't know what time she started but I bet it was right after our fight. Brother used the PC right after sister so it means that the PC was open for approximately 5 hours already.

Here's the 10 reasons why I can't let her play that TOP.
1. When my older brother were still here in this damned country, He's the one fixing the computer while he blaims me that I'm the one putting viruses because of my pirating mp3s (but now i don't download unlicensed thingymajigs.) He made accounts for us and I had a limited access on everything. I can't download and install stuffs. I understand his point and now I'm doing it to my sister.
2. Whenever she use the PC, she use it 'til he drop without thingking the PC might overheat.
3. I do important stuffs when I use the PC and when I wan't to use it, she'll look at the clock and ask me to wait for 30 minutes or less then she continue her game.
4. I already asked her to manage her time in using the computer because she's just using it for the game. It came to the point that I have to threaten her so that I can use the PC. But she pushed me to my limit. She told me that she's not afraid. Well, I make 2 accounts, one for me to use for my business and the second is for everyone to use but without administrative power.
5. Whenever our youngest brother is the one using the PC, she'll make ways for her to play the game right away.
6. Again, I'm the one who's doing important stuffs then I'm the one who sacriffices time for the PC to cool down. And sometimes when I leave the PC for that purpose, she'll run down the stairs and open the PC again.
7. Whenever I let the PC to cool down, I finish my work at 4am. My Dad will wake up and check the doors then he'll see me using the PC at dawn then he'll ask me to give the PC a rest. To whom should he say that? To my sister!
8. My sister is not showing respect to me and to the PC anymore. She knows that I go home late already, tired and stressful. She knows that the PC is low in virtual memory already.
9. Everyone knows that she's spent already hours infront of the PC then if you ask her to leave the PC, she'll tell you she started playing awhile ago.
10. Lastly and fruity, I'm too tired and lazy and I just don't want to.

LATE LATE LATE!!!

Ok. I'm so sorry blogspot for not updating you. It's not my fault that multiply is more packed. hihi.

'07-'08 TRYOUTS

This is the poster I made for my team's promotion for tryouts. lol. I'm so stupid. I texted my team mates to view the poster here. I texted them before I post this. haha. They'll gonna read my life and, and, and.. haha. I don't really know what would happen next. Well, some of them knows me really but most of them don't. What should I do? And I know they'll read this. Uhmm, Ok. I know I don't have anything to hide because God knows I don't have any bad intentions. haha. Oh man! Also, I found a protein drink at 7-Eleven but it's too expensive. huhu

MY BUSINESS
My Mom lend me money for me to start my own business. Nice but I started the business not in time. Sigh. Visit the site here http://epoeye.multiply.com/

HEART BROKEN
Ok. I broke my heart again. I'll just summarize the story. (You can read it in my multiply.) His name is Tsard and I love(d) him. Now, I'm not sure If I still love him but I still think of him a lot. I still care about what we had. But what the heck, I can't write another sentence in our affair. He's really nice. I never felt those nice things he showed me from my exbfs. I'm going bruhaha again. better stop. I think I should start trying to be straight again just to gorget about him. Errfgh! He's a joke!

NEW HAIR, NEW LIFE
Kala ko I won't cut my hair and spend two more than an hour inside the bathroom because of my emotion break down. Harhar. I did cut my hair and spent time for a long bathing. But it is a new me. (click here for the before and after pics.) Now, I spend time to be emo/gothic. Aside from being like that, I look for ways to develop my personality. I delete my pathetic entries. I don't want them. I can't stand seeing them showing stuffs which I don't like just now. I don't know why.

the sigh of the century

These few days has been very emotionally stressful for me. And its hard for me to blog my story about those days. I kept my loneliness hidden for a long time that it accidentally noticed by my mom. I burst my issues on her. It is her (and my dad) whom I should pay back all the things I missed. Thanks to my parents and friends, I saw my mistakes. All I can say, this is I saying sorry for what I've done and what I failed to see. I have failed to see what I need to be. This is I hoping for a much simpler life, a better son, a better friend, a better love one, for me, for my friends, for my suitor, and for my family. I pray to God to help me become a simple, smart, and contented kind for the better.

Diet vs. Biggie

My shifting for Sibika had already finished. Before my last day was over, I asked a student in grade 4 if I can take a picture of him. He smiled and without answering my question, he just sat down in a stool outside his classroom then I took a shot. Know why I took his picture? He looks like my ex-boyfriend and every time I walk beside or in front that kid, can't help but stare at him. I wanted to cry the first time I notice their resemblance but I was able to stop myself. I thought I'm hunted again. Well I still am. haha. I didn’t want to make a commotion inside my class. Funny we call him Diet and my exbf’s name is Biggie. Haha. I wonder who looks much better. When my class that day was over, I also notice there are lots of bold and big guys with chinky eyes in my school. Then I found myself looking for those traits in every guys I see.

uhh! aww! what d..

Two days had passed since I worked out and up to now, my body aches. My body is looking for bed rest all the time. huhu. Its hard for me to sit down, go up and down the staires, move my arms... sigh. Imagine me screaming all the time. lol. When I go down the staires, it feels like the ground is pulling me down because my whole body falls. Imagine also when I'm in the toilet. ok stop!

Myrrh and Erick wants to go to the gym with me so we're like gym buds but I think they only want to go to the gym because gyms are like haven. Lots of guys. Stocky, buff, chubby, lean.. Everytype of man can be found in a gym. drools huh?

Anyways, I don't know if I could drink any pain killers because I'm afraid that the growth of my "muscles" will be stop. sigh. Vanity. haha. I went to the gym with make up on my face. lol. you can't tell when you're going to have another guy in your life. peace out! ouch!

all lost

I lost it. I'm not in myself or maybe I am me just gone worst. I want to have a healthier lifestyle but I became an addict just because of curiosity. No, I'm not into drugs. I'm slowly killing myself. I skip meals, I do not sleep on time, and etc. Everything is written in air and now another plan came into me. I'm going to apply myself to a gain weight program in a gym. shuks! I'm really over confident. lol. I hope I can do all the things I want for myself.

I'm fixing my profile in friendster right now. You'll see it's pink. lol. I'm gay right but it doesn't mean that I'm gay so it's pink. Its because I'm gay that is why it's pink. do you get it?

Sigh. I'm really sad right now. haha. come to think of it. I usually blog when I'm sad. well anyways, I really don't have the means to flirt. really. I swear. That is why I'm sad. I can talk to other people but only with limited matters. It's hard for me to be too affectionate wit them. I'm not yet over with someone in my past (you know who he is. just read my past entries) and I don't have a mobile phone. My life is just sad. Maybe I can't move on because I simply don't want to. Maybe, this sadness gives me a pleasure I don't really understand but somehow it feels good. (huh?) Adding up to my sadness is my first boyfriend said something I did not like. shame! FYI, that picture is Chris, 1st boyfriend. lol. Obviously, I'm into chinitos.

I had so many interesting experience from this past month that I want to share. I really do but something is holding me back. Err.. I hate this. Has anybody experienced the same thing? You have all this good thoughts but your body just wont work.

gi'me a good title

I'm not confident about how I look. I'm so thin since I was young. I went to the doctor for check up, guess what he told me? I told him I want to be fat, I dont want to bethin anymore. He said, "other people are dying just to be thin.." Man! is he crazy? I told him I dont want to be thin anymore. And I'm not those girls who are becoming anorexic just to be thin. and I am not a girl that is why I want some meat in mo body. That Doctor is crazy. Then I was watching Extreme Make Over. I love this show. I love how they make people beautiful and boost their esteems through science. It was right timing, one of the people they gave a makeover is a thin guy. I'm gonna do what they did to him. They gave him food such as potatoes, mayonaisse, ketchup, sour cream, patties, pizzas.. I'm gonna do it. And Its not only that I'm thin, got no alliby, I'm U-G-L-Y. Thanks to a guy who posted tips about how to take care of your face. Now I know.

I was with my friends at "gay's way" (Gateway mall at Cubao) and I was so bored. I was tapping the table and my bestfriend Erick noticed it know what he did? He showed me the "Darna!" video that pissed me but it did made me laugh. Well, Darna is a superhero, Filipino counterpart of Wonder Woman. Narda becomes Darna if she swallow her stone and shout her name. In the video, after the lady shouted she became a naked gay transexual then enters music and he danced crazy. I told Erick before that who ever done that video is mad. I'm gonna punch that transexual if ever I see him. well, enough about that. I noticed that moment, my bestfriend is really sensitive about my condition, I was bored that's why he showed me the video. I told him the video is not funny but I did laugh. I was hillarious. I love my bestfriend.

Yesterday, I received my first cookie from my students. I was only a substituite. They were nice and kind. The younger your student, the nicer they are. Although they're comparable to animals gone wild. lol. Their voices are in high pitches and they move a lot. Still they're nice. They made me want to teach kids again because of what they gave me. They gave me cookies even it's no longer their recess. They shared me their books. I smiled. And they really like talking.

Even Shit Deserve Respect

Man! Shit ako. Do you know that?! And I noticed I've been using the term "man" often lately. I don't know, but I think I’m making someone else in me again. Am I trying to escape something? I even dyed my hair and now I want to cut it and dye it again. Honestly, I'm meeting a lot of guys lately. And most of them are shits too. I met a horny professor and a horny unfaithful guy. But both of them are nice. But man, they are shits! They made shit of me. And they’re part of the reason why I feel shit right now. But I don’t blame them. I’m lost and I’m trying to find myself again. I also met a guy graduated from UST. You won’t believe me but he’s a shit too. He took me to his house and guess what he did? Instead talking with me, he talks to his God damn dying phone. I deserve some respect man! That is the only thing I want in a guy, respect. I have the right to be choosy yah know that? I have pride too. And the shitiest thing I discover. I still love Ken. I didn’t cry when we decided to leave the relationship we had. Maybe that is what I’m escaping from; realizing that it fucking hurt man! And this is not shit anymore. It’s real. I really like him. I really do. And every time he post things in his multiply, I see the relationship we have here. Man! He’s my husband. Until now I haven’t shed some tears. I want to see him again, talk to him again about us, plan things. Darn it! I want him back.

I feel awful about myself. The song way back into love is for me. That is what my heart wants to shout out loud.

Summer Love

7:48 I woke up. I don't know why but I look for my mobile phone. Normally I would just close my eyes again and sleep. 2:30 am, Ken said, "Bonn, we need space. I'm sorry..." I admit, I can't stop myself from texting him but I found out I can't also cry for him. I stayed for a few minutes in bed then I took a bath. I'm standing in front of the mirror then I contemplate. I want to find out the meaning of the Spanish line that he said to me but I think there's no need. I was planning to bake some muffins for him. I bought a cook book for that but its useless. I still want to give him this drawing but I think he won't see me now. Now, I just hope, we'll do well. To help what I feel, I listen to the songs of Maria Mena (fragile), and Hale. I wish I have tears flowing down on my cheeks that I can wipe. I want release this emotion. I wish I can tuck myself under my blanky and sob. So he was just a dream.

UST Hospital Rm. 311

This video is really cool. check it out and tell me your insights.

Kapag hindi lumabas, malas mo. Pero magcomment ka pa rin.

Paranoid is dangerous to you health

Ken: Bon I think we need to settle things about us

Bon: We really need to talk about us. Kelan natinpaguusapan?

Ken: I dunno, this ain't healthy anymore. What ya' think?
Bon: I don't want us to part..
Ken: We don't have to part. We just have to set limitations. I felt guilty na rin kasi...
Bon: Limitations sa?
Ken: Between us. We barely see one another... Acads might also be a factor..
Bon: Yea. I want to see you often as I can but we're gonna be busy busy.
Ken: Yup, I don't want us to part as well. I still want us to be friend. Or even best friends.
Bon: What!? So you mean..
Ken: We're gonna be friends 'til we make this a healthy one. I don't wanna close this din. It's hard to be in a commitment if we can't prove it to ourselves. We're not closing it though. Just limit it to friends. as in parang lovers yet not committed.
Bon: You mean like a fling?
Ken: No, di to fling. I just want to enrich this relationship. Feel ko we gone too fast. Then if we're sure na with the commitment then that's the time we make it to one. Alam mo parehas tayong nangangapa with one another..
Bon: ok. I'm afraid.. Sana hindi ka mawala. Sana maayos natin to..
Ken: There's nothing wrong with us naman. Ano ba?
Bon: Ewan ko, natatakot talaga ako. Or paranoid nanaman. Ken, I want this relationship to work. yoko mawala ka.
Ken: Ngerf! Pls don't close your doors for others. Malay mo there's much better than me. You deserve someone better. And we're not closing this, right? You can entertain others if you want. Just that if our calling comes tayo pa rin a. (smiley)
Bon: I want to lean my head over you shoulder and punch you.. Err.. Loyal ako Ken. hindi ba mas kelangan natin ng commitment para maging ok tayo.. I hope you're not making reasons just to entertain another person, are you?

(binasa ulit ang mga messages ni Ken)

Bon: Ok ok. I understand now. Sorry kung pinagisipan kita ng ganun. You're right, nangangapa pa tayo and we should make sure if we are ready to be committed to one another. SIgh.
Bon: Huy! Nu na nangyari? Naparanoid lang ako. hehe. Reply naman Dyan!
Bon: Ken?
Ken: Nope, I'm doing this becuase of my academics. how selfish of you to think of that. If that's the case, I'm very disappointed... I didn't expect that from you..
Bon: I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. Ngayon ko lang naintindihan lahat. I had gone too far. I wnat to make it up to you..
Ken: You got into my nerves. Let's talk some other time. Night.
Bon: Ken, I'm really sorry.. Pls?
Ken: Good night..

Then I saw myself lying on my bed, paranoid. I'm really sorry about what I said. I wasn't thinking. I really want to make it up to him. I'm gonna bake some muffins or brownies for him and bibigay ko na yung sketch na ginawa ko. I'm gonna add a stick of rose. The only problem is, pano ko kaya sya mapapapayag ngayon na ginalit ko sya?

Then, I pose in front of my camera. Hillarious!

Who are we really?

It rained hard and the whole metro sank and plenty of road violators appeared that cause of my 1 hour stranded. Puff! 3 things happened...

+ While waiting for the vehicle to cross the road of españa, I saw a blind man, kabababa nya lang sa jeep. He was in the middle of the traffic jam, trying to figure out where to go. Gladly, a lady from the same vehicle escorted him to españa for the next route. I was sad that the man can't see but to think of it, sometimes it's good to be blind not seeing the destruction that man is making to our world. And I was amazed that the lady grabbed the arms of the blind man to lead the way. Bravo to you sister!!!

+ Same thing, while waiting for everything to move, a guy in front of me was talking to her girlfriend and I heared him and he said this line, "'wag ka na umasa sa mga Pilipino.." I was pissed off. I wanna shout that moment. Like hello, he's a Filipino and I should not rely on you. OMG, I'm Pinoy too. If that so, I'm not. I can't stand that I have a fellowmen like that. It makes me angry.

+ So the Jeep had finally crossed the road. BAM! 2 hot guys sat beside me. Like they were just waiting for me on the other side of the street. LOL. hmp. The other guy is with his girlfriend. "Hey! Hey! You! You! I don't like you girlfriend.."

Ang pagbabalik ni bonbonito

WHEW!!! Now I'm back. There has been lots of things happened to me and I wasn't able to post it here because changing my old template was really hard and my relatives who reads my entries tells my parents all of it. Now, I have the acceptance of my parents and I'm free, at last!! No more hiding inside the closet for me. Yey!! Now I'm gonna update this blog about few things. hehe

+ I have a boyfriend... again. Yes, I'm taken again. He's different from my exes. Really different. He's discreet but open minded. We haven't kissed yet. I have his respect. He treats me like I'm a girl (I'm really happy about what I'm experiencing when we're together but I don't really like to be treated as a girl.) He don't text often and that makes me worry. Sigh. I actually made a sonnet for him and a sketch of both of us when we were with my bestfriend Erick in school.

+ Practicumer naq and I'm gonna be busy so lessen the parties and gimmicks and no bum moments for me. Wah!! Also, I need to focus of the Education Journal, because they really rely on me. Wah!!

+ I went to my province to be the escort of my sister in the sagala (1, 2, 3) and I got sick. Ppto now, I'm still sick.

+ Doberman died, my 2 years old pet flowerhorn. She's a fish. I think my father killed her. My dad put salt in the aquarium so that the dirt will go down but he forgot to take the fish out first before putting the salt.

+ I miss my friends. (p_q)

I always update my Multiply. That is also a reason why I don't update this site. Multiply is really addictive.

I tried to kill myself

I went home yestenight with a severe headache. I wanted to sleep already but my hunger keeps me awake and I was waiting for a reply that didn't came. I stood up, grab some bucks and head to a store where no one is there so I head back home. I notice that there are two fags living infront of my house then I thought that i need some friends where I live. So I head back again to the store, I bought a cheezzy footlong, a bottle of soda and 2 sticks of cigar. When I get back home, they already leave their spot but I still ate my food in front of my house. The coldness of that night was very calming. It's like Fergie made the song "big Girls Don't Cry" just for me. Lol. But the moment was serene. Before I finish my 2nd cigar, my head hurts even more so I go straight to bed. Lying on my Bed, I cried. I was sobbing. I was upset not because my head hurts really badly, half because I don't know the progress of my relationship with Ken and the other half is because I'm killing myself. I tried to sleep with the sounds of the Mohicans but it didn't work. I was in agony for almost an hour then finally, thank god, I fell asleep.

Lost and Found

Sigh.. I was there at the passenger sit in front of the jeepney, going home. My tears almost fell on my face, looking nowhere. There was no mirror to look at myself. I don't know how I look. Good thing I'm wearing my eye glasses so the teary eyes was not noticed by the driver. I was being melodramatic again, hopeless romantic again, reminiscing again, and again. I lost a part of my heart, again.

A week ago, I broke up with my bf. Things went not good. Many words have voiced out that affected our relationship. Now, we're friends. It's a good thing isn't it? I was touched. He was the first one to offer friendship. Sigh. I was hoping for someone to have a conversation with after the break up but Romeo wasn't available anymore.

Valentines Day is near to come. I texted all my crushes if they already have their night out settled with someone. Cee-Kei, a friend from UP-M is already taken, I forgot he already have his boyfriend. Rod didn't reply. Romeo didn't reply. I texted Edz, a friend from school who happens to have a deep feelings for my friend Bobby. He was the only one who texted back and said, "wala pa e." so I asked him out. Yes we are going out on the 14^th of February. Good Luck to us. I find him cute. That's all. The night with him for me is not a date. It's just we don't have anyone to spend the night with someone. Just a friendly gimmick I should say.

In school, Erick, my bestfriend who happens to be mistaken by my other friends as my boyfriend, and I sometimes meet and he bring our other friend, Morris (just a code name), ex-boyfriend of our other friend who is studying in another school. Get the connection? Well anyways, I suddenly felt something for Morris. It's not love, it's just a crush. I happened to notice his cute attitude and charming face. He is friendly and being friendly catches attention. I was just a little turned-off with him because he is a little "mahilig." I asked him that's why I know. I told him that I have a crush o him and he said he have too. I was doing a little flirting with him and it's the end of having him. I need someone to flirt with. Lols.

I went to NBS awhile ago to buy some materials fro my project. But before heading straight to SM, I went to Romeo's. I gave him my Christmas gift (Yah! I know its uber late. We just don't have the time to meet. Or, is that really the reason) a bouquet of pink roses. I don't know why I need to give him flowers. Those roses were supposed to be in Edz hands. After I gave him my gifts, I went to SM and receive a text message from Romeo. Ho told me, "Salamat pero nahihiya ako sayo, my bf naq." "Bakit hindi mo pa sinabi sakin kanina?", I asked. "Un nga ung gs2 q sabihin. Nahihiya xe ako sayo ng sobra. Pasensya na. Sorry po." I want to cry but I finished first my shopping. I occupied the passenger sit in front of the jeepney and paid my fare. I texted Romeo twice, "Hope we cud stil hangout kahit my bf ka na... Sigh.(a smiley)" He didn't replied. I asked myself why we can't be together. Romeo and I we're friends in a very long time and we both know that we like each other. While on the road, there I was, crying.