Thursday, June 21, 2007

Even Shit Deserve Respect

Man! Shit ako. Do you know that?! And I noticed I've been using the term "man" often lately. I don't know, but I think I’m making someone else in me again. Am I trying to escape something? I even dyed my hair and now I want to cut it and dye it again. Honestly, I'm meeting a lot of guys lately. And most of them are shits too. I met a horny professor and a horny unfaithful guy. But both of them are nice. But man, they are shits! They made shit of me. And they’re part of the reason why I feel shit right now. But I don’t blame them. I’m lost and I’m trying to find myself again. I also met a guy graduated from UST. You won’t believe me but he’s a shit too. He took me to his house and guess what he did? Instead talking with me, he talks to his God damn dying phone. I deserve some respect man! That is the only thing I want in a guy, respect. I have the right to be choosy yah know that? I have pride too. And the shitiest thing I discover. I still love Ken. I didn’t cry when we decided to leave the relationship we had. Maybe that is what I’m escaping from; realizing that it fucking hurt man! And this is not shit anymore. It’s real. I really like him. I really do. And every time he post things in his multiply, I see the relationship we have here. Man! He’s my husband. Until now I haven’t shed some tears. I want to see him again, talk to him again about us, plan things. Darn it! I want him back.

I feel awful about myself. The song way back into love is for me. That is what my heart wants to shout out loud.

Friday, June 1, 2007

Summer Love

7:48 I woke up. I don't know why but I look for my mobile phone. Normally I would just close my eyes again and sleep. 2:30 am, Ken said, "Bonn, we need space. I'm sorry..." I admit, I can't stop myself from texting him but I found out I can't also cry for him. I stayed for a few minutes in bed then I took a bath. I'm standing in front of the mirror then I contemplate. I want to find out the meaning of the Spanish line that he said to me but I think there's no need. I was planning to bake some muffins for him. I bought a cook book for that but its useless. I still want to give him this drawing but I think he won't see me now. Now, I just hope, we'll do well. To help what I feel, I listen to the songs of Maria Mena (fragile), and Hale. I wish I have tears flowing down on my cheeks that I can wipe. I want release this emotion. I wish I can tuck myself under my blanky and sob. So he was just a dream.