3:28 am. just wake up from a wierd dream. So here it go.
"I'm was walking towards home. It was dark. I hardly see a thing. everything is blured. Out side the gate of our old house, my dog showed up. Then another and another and another. my sight is starting to ligten up. I enter the gate and the way is full of wet clothes. I went under all the clothes and crawl to the door of our house. before i went inside everything is begining to clear. I look back and saw my neighbors then (playmates) playing hide and sik."
I dont know how to interpret it. I hardly ever think of those guys, well except for JJ. and the dream is different from literrary items that I need to interpret and draw something. I get up coz something came in my mind and I also decided to finally send "Art" the story I made. What I feel is that (I'm in love ofcourse) I am with someone whome I cant see (get it) but really cares. This someone start on that house.
I already send the story I made, a story of a boy. Ok, ok, ok. I admit it. I am the boy in that story. I use the word 'queer' as "Art" and 'gay/my friend's crush' as "Edgy." aw well, who cares. hope someone does. Sighs. Good luck and God bless to me even there is something that is stoping me from sending that story. I just cant control it anymore and it really want to burst out right away, I just cant hold it any much longer. Hope he read the story and understand its words...
Thursday, March 31, 2005
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
pagbabago
When i went out of my house i saw 2 old women pushing a cart filled with paper boxes and glass bottles. i was shocked on what they are doing. They're lookin for something in the big blue drum of garbage. I remember what i have told aika about my plans for our country. yup! i dreamed of becoing a politician. My friend here, after i tell her the things i want for our our country, she told me that "befor you becaome the president of our country, you should be... SK first" LOL. thats ryt. hehe. i want that change in our environment and in my peoples life... get it, my people...
Every second of our time that pass by is very important, it makes a change. Also this morning, my Dad asked me if i could cook "tortang Talong" for an additional course for the workers. I know the processes to make that viand but i hav'nt experinced cooking it. i burned the Eggplant on the stove and rip off the skin. Im a cook but this one is so hard. While cooking, our maid helped me on it. I said to her, "ganito na ba tayo kahirap at... blah blah blah" an she laugh. I never thought that making something simple already takes great hardship. omg! take it from the boy who cooked a "Tortang Talong" for the first time. i didn't eat that lunch because i colapsed on my bed (while thinking of code name: art) before time and my parents and brother eat somewhere. I wish this hardship would change. I know that to be able to acomplish something needs hard work but this is too much.
Speaking of change. while walking home after taking few shost. I saw Mr.Cap(code name). He surely saw me in my new hairstyle. LOL. I heard his voice and woah! its different I tell you. He pretty looks cute but, you dont wanna know.
Every second of our time that pass by is very important, it makes a change. Also this morning, my Dad asked me if i could cook "tortang Talong" for an additional course for the workers. I know the processes to make that viand but i hav'nt experinced cooking it. i burned the Eggplant on the stove and rip off the skin. Im a cook but this one is so hard. While cooking, our maid helped me on it. I said to her, "ganito na ba tayo kahirap at... blah blah blah" an she laugh. I never thought that making something simple already takes great hardship. omg! take it from the boy who cooked a "Tortang Talong" for the first time. i didn't eat that lunch because i colapsed on my bed (while thinking of code name: art) before time and my parents and brother eat somewhere. I wish this hardship would change. I know that to be able to acomplish something needs hard work but this is too much.
Speaking of change. while walking home after taking few shost. I saw Mr.Cap(code name). He surely saw me in my new hairstyle. LOL. I heard his voice and woah! its different I tell you. He pretty looks cute but, you dont wanna know.
Monday, March 28, 2005
It is a story of a boy.
There is this boy who is now studying in a university where some of his friends and schoolmates before, during high school, is also studying.
During his first semester on his first year, he saw his schoolmate who is a year level older than him in a convenient store.
They say their his' and hellos while on the line to the counter.
His schoolmate is with a very cute queer.
The boy got star struck or rather say love at first sight with this queer.
The boy looked for this queer in the Internet specifically in his schoolmate's friend list in Friendster.
And months have passed, he forgot about this queer.
One day, his friend who is also studying in the same university asked him how did her crush get in his friendster friend list.
The crush she was talking about is gay.
The boy remembered the queer he saw before in the convenient store who happen to be with his schoolmate.
The boy looked for some information he need about his friends crush.
He subscribed on his schoolmate's blog and found a link that he thought that it is the blog he's looking for.
Days have passed and the boy realizes that he is wrong about the information he is having because he didn’t notice the very big difference and connectivity of the information.
The blog he found is owned by the queer he saw before with his schoolmate.
The gay in his friend list is a different person but also closely related to his schoolmate and her friend.
The boy came into realization that he has already fallen in love on two people.
The boy's emotion is mixed and he cannot control it anymore.
This is the first time he felt so helpless even though he has already gone in some same sex relationship.
The boy want to tell these two people that they are being admired, but he doesn't know how to tell them.
He tried to make friends with them but it's not enough.
The feelings of the boy want to burst out.
The boy already asks for help to his friends but didn't get the right reply.
And now.
The boy is trying to say, he don't know what to do about this.
He hopes and prays that he will be taken seriously and that he wouldn't be rejected but much more be appreciated
He's only wish for now is the two people that he admire became close to him.
-To be or not to be continued
During his first semester on his first year, he saw his schoolmate who is a year level older than him in a convenient store.
They say their his' and hellos while on the line to the counter.
His schoolmate is with a very cute queer.
The boy got star struck or rather say love at first sight with this queer.
The boy looked for this queer in the Internet specifically in his schoolmate's friend list in Friendster.
And months have passed, he forgot about this queer.
One day, his friend who is also studying in the same university asked him how did her crush get in his friendster friend list.
The crush she was talking about is gay.
The boy remembered the queer he saw before in the convenient store who happen to be with his schoolmate.
The boy looked for some information he need about his friends crush.
He subscribed on his schoolmate's blog and found a link that he thought that it is the blog he's looking for.
Days have passed and the boy realizes that he is wrong about the information he is having because he didn’t notice the very big difference and connectivity of the information.
The blog he found is owned by the queer he saw before with his schoolmate.
The gay in his friend list is a different person but also closely related to his schoolmate and her friend.
The boy came into realization that he has already fallen in love on two people.
The boy's emotion is mixed and he cannot control it anymore.
This is the first time he felt so helpless even though he has already gone in some same sex relationship.
The boy want to tell these two people that they are being admired, but he doesn't know how to tell them.
He tried to make friends with them but it's not enough.
The feelings of the boy want to burst out.
The boy already asks for help to his friends but didn't get the right reply.
And now.
The boy is trying to say, he don't know what to do about this.
He hopes and prays that he will be taken seriously and that he wouldn't be rejected but much more be appreciated
He's only wish for now is the two people that he admire became close to him.
-To be or not to be continued
Sunday, March 27, 2005
Friday, March 25, 2005
Cuaresma : Taboo
My toothache is gone for now. I went visit my folks in Tondo this morning. While on the road, I hear adults and youngs on their pasyon, and men on maroon shirt walking barefoot carrying the image of Nazareno. This stuff got my attention.
When I was on my destination, I got great conversation with my relatives and I found out that my cousin, Gel, snuck out to join the penitensya. I saw a couple of shots from her sister's phone. I feel sick that time and she even played a video. His young body is flowing with blood from fresh cuts on his back. Confusion began (after she told me that I looked like someone in a Korean TV series, so much for that) when all this stuffs run through my mind. She told me that this is not the first time that Gel joined this penetensya stuff. Gel that time was currently resting because the penitensya event was done this morning.
Based from my observation; pasyon disturbs its neighborhood. People who join this penetensya are nuts. Jesus doesn't want his brothers to feel the pain he went thru. Jesus sacrifices has a very big difference from wounding your own body. God made our body so beautiful and people are only gonna destroy it. Shame. Palm leaves are used to welcome Jesus. It does not posses any powers that wipe away all bad spirits that would enter the house. Because of this belief people buy many of this palaspas and placed it all over the house that should only be placed at the entrance door. Sighs. These things are becoming a tradition like this bisista iglesia stuff, what more if this became a habit.
When I was on my destination, I got great conversation with my relatives and I found out that my cousin, Gel, snuck out to join the penitensya. I saw a couple of shots from her sister's phone. I feel sick that time and she even played a video. His young body is flowing with blood from fresh cuts on his back. Confusion began (after she told me that I looked like someone in a Korean TV series, so much for that) when all this stuffs run through my mind. She told me that this is not the first time that Gel joined this penetensya stuff. Gel that time was currently resting because the penitensya event was done this morning.
Based from my observation; pasyon disturbs its neighborhood. People who join this penetensya are nuts. Jesus doesn't want his brothers to feel the pain he went thru. Jesus sacrifices has a very big difference from wounding your own body. God made our body so beautiful and people are only gonna destroy it. Shame. Palm leaves are used to welcome Jesus. It does not posses any powers that wipe away all bad spirits that would enter the house. Because of this belief people buy many of this palaspas and placed it all over the house that should only be placed at the entrance door. Sighs. These things are becoming a tradition like this bisista iglesia stuff, what more if this became a habit.
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Pain...
This pain really sucks. My tooth really aches. I need my Mom. She would send me to the dentist or something, just to ease this pain Im feeling. It is really killing me inside. This pain is worst than "his" memories inside my head. I already try the oldies advice, gargle warm water-salt mixture. It doesn't work. 6:am of Friday morning and I'm still awake. Thinking and typing all the words I can give. All because of this pain. I wanna burst out. I wanna just kill someone or simply die. It really hurts. The wound is eating the whole of me. If only I have the time to pull this off. I wont be screaming silently and sobbing like this. My world is already raining with tears and mosquito bites. O God. Take this pain away from me. Please. I'm begging.
hey AJ...?!
I've found this really great pics of AJ while blog hoppin'.
I suddenly remember my friends Jade and Aika who really look like AJ.
oh well.
If you fans would like to have this pics,
just leave me a msg.
I'll send it to you asap.
I suddenly remember my friends Jade and Aika who really look like AJ.
oh well.
If you fans would like to have this pics,
just leave me a msg.
I'll send it to you asap.
Pain and Pain
I came into realization that I’m already killing my self…
I asked my Dad for 50 bucks and he gave me 40. I walk around the hood and most of the Cafes are closed because it’s Holy Thursday. I’ve decided to buy me a 2 doughnuts and a bottle of Soda for my snack. I was looking for a good Café to do some work because I can’t do it at home. My brother is using the computer.
Dinner time.
My Dad is calling me for dinner but I was doing something interesting. Really interesting. And what have I eaten for dinner? 4 slices of bread and a pitcher of orange juice. Ulcer began to crumble. I went to the toilet and saw what my body looks in front of a mirror.
“This isn’t suppose to be my body.” I said after my realization of what love means. Love is when you already stalking him.
I’m very picky on what I eat. What I know is that there is more carbohydrates in bread. 12:30 am. I’ve decided to go out and look for a store. I went back to the bread shop to buy 3 loaves of bread and .5 liter of a soda drink. I went back home to watch Kung Fu Hustle for the 3rd time. Now my tooth aches.
I asked my Dad for 50 bucks and he gave me 40. I walk around the hood and most of the Cafes are closed because it’s Holy Thursday. I’ve decided to buy me a 2 doughnuts and a bottle of Soda for my snack. I was looking for a good Café to do some work because I can’t do it at home. My brother is using the computer.
Dinner time.
My Dad is calling me for dinner but I was doing something interesting. Really interesting. And what have I eaten for dinner? 4 slices of bread and a pitcher of orange juice. Ulcer began to crumble. I went to the toilet and saw what my body looks in front of a mirror.
“This isn’t suppose to be my body.” I said after my realization of what love means. Love is when you already stalking him.
I’m very picky on what I eat. What I know is that there is more carbohydrates in bread. 12:30 am. I’ve decided to go out and look for a store. I went back to the bread shop to buy 3 loaves of bread and .5 liter of a soda drink. I went back home to watch Kung Fu Hustle for the 3rd time. Now my tooth aches.
Summer cleaning
I cant rememeber the exact time when i went to sleep, i think pass 3:30 am, but before that I gave a new look at my Bedroom's interior design. I hope my Dad would like it, like before. I know he already saw it when i was fixing things inside but he didn't even say a word. So i went too bed even some of my things are still on my bed. I'm sleeping like it was freezing inside my room. I wake up very exhausted. It was very very hot. i mean it. it's hot. really hot. My Bed is already wet because of the sweat. My electric fan is not very usufull this summer time. I miss swimming in ust with my colleagues. I surfed the net this afternoon and discovered something. Aika should know about this discovery. After a cold and refreshing bath, I put my posters and change the fabrics on my room.
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
incomplete events...
9:am I must already be in the EJ office but I was late. When I was about to go home, I saw Bobby and decided to go with him because he has a key to the office. I found out that Bobby and Darwin, cutie I stalked before, already meet each other and exchange #'s but unfortunately Bobby already deleted Darwin’s # on his phonebook. When I heard what bobby has said, depression came in and easily gone, and I laugh. What a small world. When Erwin got in the office, I lend him the artworks and explain my ideas about the cover. After that I went home to eat my Lunch and take a bath. My Mom asks me for something but that’s not really important. I rush back to the office because Ditch is already there. I explained her my ideas about the cover and she ask me if I could make some stuffs that would make the EJ2 awesome. When Oliver, Erwin, Ryan and I was left in the office. Before we decided to order a group meal at Mc Donalds, Ryan and I played the Monopoly and Ryan won. It was already dark when we went home.
Friday, March 18, 2005
umaaraw, umuulan...
my toothache wake me up this morning, about 5:30 in the morning. and it was raining. i drank a glass of water and go sleep again. about 8:45 am, my mom woke me up to do her paper things. i get my phone and saw a message and it was aika. the message is about the gauitar thing of tonie. 9:00, i went to the house of aika then tonie arived so we went to the lumanog store at sta. mesa. we bought a guitar and we escorted tonie to his condo unit. aika was thirsty so we look for a store then the ale talk to us about our education thingy. aika laughed. aika is still with me in ust to look for my proffs. then we ate a bowl of pourige in cecile's cafetiria. after 12:30, aika and i went to ust again. then it starts to rain so hard. my white pants that im wearing turned into gray and my black polo is still very wet.
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
sobbing without tears
sinubukan kong tapusin na agad yung project ko sa MCE, major.
pero ang hirap, sobra. ang dami kong mga papers and ink na sinayang.
hindi na muna ako nangarir dahil sa project na yun. kung iisipin, madali lang. pero ibahin nyo ako.
bninubuhos ko ang lahat ng kaalaman ko sa mga ginagawa ko.
anong oras na ako natulog.
mga 4 am kanina.
anong oras na rin ako bumangon.
nawala sa isipan ko na magkikita nga pala kami ni Cha dahil sa humanities.
na late ako pero nakabili naman kami agad.
hindi ko alam kung umabot kami sa time kasi humiwalay ako agad sa kanya, hindi na ako sumama sa uste.
pagdating sa bahay, ginawa ko na agad yung mga pinapagawa sakin.
bad-trip. paubos na yung ink ng computer.
bumili ako ng ink, gamit ang pera ko. ubos ang pera ko.
ok lnag, tapos naman agad ang project ko. 11:30 am na.
may exam kami.
nasa bahay pa ako.
nagaayos ng buhok tapos naalala ko hndi ko alam kung san ko nailagay yung permit ko.
shet.
late na akong nakapagtest pero wag ka, isa ako sa mga nunang matapos ng exam.
sana tama ang mga sagot ko.
binigay ko na kay Lei yung pina book bind nya.
pinakita ko naman sa iba yung papers ng project ko.
lahat sila naiyak dahil maganda daw, hindi dahil sa message na inilagay ko para sa kanila sa acknowledgement.
sinamahan ko si Chinee libutin ang UST.
hehe.
naubos ang natira kong pera dahil sa lagi kong pagbili ng Zagu Creme Brulee Grande.
poor na ulit ako.
pero ang hirap, sobra. ang dami kong mga papers and ink na sinayang.
hindi na muna ako nangarir dahil sa project na yun. kung iisipin, madali lang. pero ibahin nyo ako.
bninubuhos ko ang lahat ng kaalaman ko sa mga ginagawa ko.
anong oras na ako natulog.
mga 4 am kanina.
anong oras na rin ako bumangon.
nawala sa isipan ko na magkikita nga pala kami ni Cha dahil sa humanities.
na late ako pero nakabili naman kami agad.
hindi ko alam kung umabot kami sa time kasi humiwalay ako agad sa kanya, hindi na ako sumama sa uste.
pagdating sa bahay, ginawa ko na agad yung mga pinapagawa sakin.
bad-trip. paubos na yung ink ng computer.
bumili ako ng ink, gamit ang pera ko. ubos ang pera ko.
ok lnag, tapos naman agad ang project ko. 11:30 am na.
may exam kami.
nasa bahay pa ako.
nagaayos ng buhok tapos naalala ko hndi ko alam kung san ko nailagay yung permit ko.
shet.
late na akong nakapagtest pero wag ka, isa ako sa mga nunang matapos ng exam.
sana tama ang mga sagot ko.
binigay ko na kay Lei yung pina book bind nya.
pinakita ko naman sa iba yung papers ng project ko.
lahat sila naiyak dahil maganda daw, hindi dahil sa message na inilagay ko para sa kanila sa acknowledgement.
sinamahan ko si Chinee libutin ang UST.
hehe.
naubos ang natira kong pera dahil sa lagi kong pagbili ng Zagu Creme Brulee Grande.
poor na ulit ako.
Monday, March 14, 2005
Was there a line?
My final permit is not yet paid this morning. Right after my exam in Earth Science, Millet and I went to the Main Bldg. to pay but me encounter some problems. First, the line was very long and it takes us over an hour to reach the teller. Second, when we finally got I the finish line, we thought that we have no problems anymore. The Security Guard told me that I hove some problems in the Central Library so I went there as fast as I can. I met a man who yelled at me on the line... After getting my clearance, I went to the Main Bldg. but Millet has problems about the amount of money that she should pay.
After our PGC test, I treat my friends in Zagu and at a shock that there was something different; there was no line, maybe because of the UST peepz is too busy on their final exams.
When I got home I ask Marlin, house maid, to go with me in SM City Sta. Mesa to buy some things that I need. After buying some stuff in the book store, I went to Watsons to buy my deodorant. On the counter, the people are to scattered that’s why I went to the without thinking of the “line”. When we get out on the store, we went inside the Blue & Pink Soda store… Guess what I did buy? When I got home, I never thought that I already spend so much money on the mall.
After our PGC test, I treat my friends in Zagu and at a shock that there was something different; there was no line, maybe because of the UST peepz is too busy on their final exams.
When I got home I ask Marlin, house maid, to go with me in SM City Sta. Mesa to buy some things that I need. After buying some stuff in the book store, I went to Watsons to buy my deodorant. On the counter, the people are to scattered that’s why I went to the without thinking of the “line”. When we get out on the store, we went inside the Blue & Pink Soda store… Guess what I did buy? When I got home, I never thought that I already spend so much money on the mall.
am I suppose to be happy?
I turned 17 yesterday. Hooray. If only I was born earlier me and my crush would be compatible. It was also my group’s seminar “Fragile: Handle with care.” Before I left home my Dad gave me Php. 1000.00. It feels great coz last year he only gave me 500. Our seminar was great except for one thing, Iya. But it’s ok because my Moms friend gave me Php. 500.00. So I’m Php1500.00 richer yesterday. I treat some of my friends in Zagu. The others left already. After that I went home to sleep because I didn’t last night. When I wake up, Aika and I went to SM to watch a movie.
Well, today I’m poor again. I use all my money for my other requirements. I didn’t even have on my Birthday part. I suppose to use my money to have fun. My own pocket turns out to be my financial source but that’s supposed to be my Mom. Arfgh! Thinking on the brighter side it’s ok. At least, based from my calcullation, I'll finish my requirements on time even I go no money left and very tired.
Well, today I’m poor again. I use all my money for my other requirements. I didn’t even have on my Birthday part. I suppose to use my money to have fun. My own pocket turns out to be my financial source but that’s supposed to be my Mom. Arfgh! Thinking on the brighter side it’s ok. At least, based from my calcullation, I'll finish my requirements on time even I go no money left and very tired.
Sunday, March 13, 2005
One last thing no isa pa pala!
akala ko isa na lng ang gagawin ko ngayong requirement, meron pa pala. Aayusin ko yung project ko sa Major ngayon tapos gagwin ko naman yung pinapagawa sakin ni Mama. grabe, meron papala, yung kay "One hoy mama!". hmmm... tsaka ko na gagawin yun... bad trip!
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