Emotionally disturbed aspiring Dad.

This is one of my few long blog entries.

Few days ago I was very emotionally depressed and I don't know why. (siguro addict ako?) I tried to focus myself to one aspect of my life, my lovelife. I thought the guy could brighten me up but he didn't. Instead of building a relationship with him, I made him go away. I was very gloomy and down. I wasn't able to sleep that Monday night. 12:00MN, I decided to go standby at 7-11 near my place and puff a stick of cigar. My sister was still awake so I told her I was just at 7-11. I got bored, I SMS several friends to accompany me  and in my luck, Irving was still awake with our common friend Martin. I went to Irving's place and there, we chitchatted, check some really hot guys online and the two had a photoshoot with makeup on their face. Because of Martin, I was inspired to updated this blog. (Thanks Martin!) Me and Martin slept in Irving's place. Martin left after lunch. I was suppose to leave too but Myrrh was coming.

While waiting for Myrrh, Irving's-maid's-son, Reg was so bibo and we were talking while I surf the net.  Reg was asking so many questions. If only I wasn't able to lengthen my patience, I won't fall in love with the kid. I somehow felt why he was so kulit maybe because he doesn't have any friends in Manila and Irving was the only "guy" in that house. Also, Irving's friends came over so he was there to enjoy the crowd. Before dinner, Irving, Reg and I went to the market. Reg held my hand. I was actually enjoying what we have established to each other on out first meeting. (My syblings and I wasn't able to be like that.)  Reg told me that Irving was really good to them and among Irving's friends who were there, I was the only straight guy. I laughed. Irving noticed that Reg and I were already close to each other. I told Irving about what Reg told me.

When we came home, Alf and Thadani were already there. Thadani and I wasn't talking to each other. Okay, Thadani is the guy I was talking about. I was upset but now It's over. Before eating dinner, Jeck came and after that, Martin came back. The group watched Gossip Girls but I'm not into that kind of TV series. Finally, I SMS my Mom, "Why aren't you looking for me?". That is the question in my head when I stay outside our home late. (And when I came home, they'll scold me.) She replied, "Diba sabi mo kay Neneth 7-11 ka lang, hinintay ka nya. Nagising ang Papa mo ng 2:00, hindi natulog sa kahihintay sa 'yo. Naisip mo ba yon? Ako ngayon masama pakiramdam dahil iniisip ko kung may hinihintay pa kami. Magsabi ka lang Bonn. Bakit hahanapin kita, nagpaalam ka b? Wala ka pakialam kung nagaalala kami kaya nga hinahanda ko na sarili ko may tatawag n nakakulong ka o kung ano nangyari sayo. Pilit kitang inuunawa pero binabaliwala mo kami." I wasn't finish reading her message, my phone rang. I answered the phone and its my Mom. From the tone of her voice, I knew it will lead to drama. I went outside the room, I wasn't comfortable so I went to the bathroom. We cried. I was touched about what my Mom told me. She asked me, "May hihintayin pa ba kami Bonn?" My tears fell continuously even the phone call was over. I went back outside Irving's room but I can't go in beacause I'm crying. I don't want to make a commotion. My friends heard my sobbing. I asked for tissue.

After the show, we went to Burger King. Thadani left without saying goodbye to me. I SMS him "why aren't we talking?" but I didn't recieve a reply. Before I left BK, I went outside to smoke with Myrrh and Jeck. They told me that Thadani was a good catch and they already understand why I want him. But it was too late, he's gone.

When I was already near my place, a couple with their son rode the jeepney where I was in. The kid sat on his father's lap and the mother sat beside me. I remembered Reg. I told myself I want to experience that moment with my son. I would like to have a son like Reg. I hope to see him again. Reg will go back to his town after few days. I'll miss him. I've learned that I have to make my own way for me to love a kid. I should also have patience. Well, I am an elementary teacher but dealing with kids is not really my forte.

Before I slept, I realized that I was a jerk and Thadani was too. I laughed. I don't like jerks.

A year long no relationship

Yan ang katibayan na isang taon na akong single dahil iginuhit ko yan sa aking malaking salamin nung dinala ko sa bahay ang huli kong katipan. Lol. Kadire b? haha. nililinis ko naman ang salamin ko pero yung part na yan, hindi. kasi tuwing titingin ako sa salamin, parang may thought box sa taas na nagsasabing "I'm in love". Lol. korni no? Pero ewan! hindi ko rin alm kung bakit hindi ko binubura yan pero inaamin ko naiisip ko sya dahil yun relasyon namin, pwede kong sabihin na "sayang!".

Gift ko kay Mama for Mothers Day

(click nyo yung may hyperlink para makita nyo yung picture ng gift ko)

I made a card for my mama and 3D sya. Pop-up kasi and collage yung cover. I printed photos and glued it on a cardboard then I piled them up to make a collage then I added some flowers. On those flowers, you'll see the word, "mama!"

At first, I wanted the card to be all white except my message but the card got dirty so I colored it using felt tip markers.

When you open the card, a door will open and a boy holding a gift will come out. galeng diba?
pinaghirapan ko yan. Actually mangiyak-ngiyak ako habang ginagawa yan kasi I was imagining her reaction kapag nakita na nya yung card. It's my first time give something I made for my mom. Ang huli kong naaalala na binigay sa kanya is a cake I bought from red ribbon for her birthday and a bag i bought at wow philippines for mother's day. Now, I'm going to give her a card I made specially for her.

Gay Swimmer Misses Swimming

Takte ako yun! haha. Hindi naman to social suicide no? sa picture, ako yung nasa extreme right. Xempre, kulang ang team sa picture. Pasaway iba e.

After watching Manay Po 2, I felt something strange and I don't know why. Up to now, hindi ko pa rin alam kung ano yun but certainly it's about the part when Jiro Mano entered the swimming team. Before, playing in waters is my hobby but now, thanks to Jade, swimming became my sport. 4 years ago, Jade pulled me to the Education Swimming Team tryouts. In the middle of the pool, I got cramps but I didn't drown and able to kiss the coach. I still got in the team. Haha. I don't know kung nagpakadiscreet ako pero I know, I was myself all along.

May mga sinabihan naman akong ilan na girls kasi ang hirap din kasi magpigil lalo na kapag pinaguusapan nila boys tapos you want to say, "oo nga!" Haha. I stayed for 4 years kahit mahirap, kahit hindi ako nakakakuha ng shiny gold medals, all because I love swimming, diving and goofing around even the water is freezing. Ehem! Kontrolado ko naman sarili ko. Bihira ako mamboso. haha! Hirap din naman kasi. Mga kasama ko trunks lang ang suot at fit-na-fit. Gawd! Drooling over those bumps, abs, chest at iba pang cuts. shet! Ok. Enough. haha!

Before I said goodbye to my almamater, sabi ko sa team mates ko may secret ako. Ilang araw yung pinagusapan sa GM(group message). Pinipilit nilang alamin. haha. Yung mga ka batch ko sa team, I told them about my sexuality during our retreat. I wrote them a letter. Going back to the "secret", hindi pala secret yun. Like I said, I was just myself, I wasn't effeminate yet I'm open. Yung iba, piniga pa ako kasi hindi daw yun ang secret ko. Na-touch ako, sobra. I was afraid that people might avoid me because I'm gay kasi issue yun e, bakla na athlete at nasa swimming team pa, but my team didn't. Tanggap ako ng teammates ko. Awww...

I miss them, batch '04-'08. After the training, kakain kami before umuwi. haha. Sa kanila lang ako nakakain ng 5 cups of rice. grabe diba!? Namiss ko rin yung hiraman ng sabon, shampoo tapos alam ko may nagpasabon pa sa likod. haha. Kamiss!!! Sarap mag stretching.