Should.. would... could....

I dont know what to do. Honestly I dont know. It has been 9 days and still im stuck without anything holding me. I've been flirting with other people but i never thought that I will feel like this. I just can't accept the reasons why and the fast exchange of time.

I still want to know all the things that is happening to him but I know I should not. Could I still read his entries even I know that the post after will stab my heart. Would I take him back? Can I? May I? I dont know? even chances, miracles and time is not at my side. We still contact each other but ways of talking wouldn't be the same again. Everything won't be the same again.

My plans got wasted. I'm a total loner... I'm everyone's loser. I'm nothing. I may be the best that everyone dreamed forever of but in reality, forever is not the way it seems to be.