Southeast ge'away!

Kakatapos ko lang mag-ayos ng mga gamit ko sa lougage na hiniram ko kay Mujang. After few hours, my aunts and I will leave the country and head to Singapore, Indonesia and Malaysia. Its a four days tour. Ang money ko na ipangbibili ko ng DSLR e hindi ko akalaing mapupunta dito. ='( If I have the option to choose between those contries and the DSLR that I was dreaming about, I would rather have the camera. huhu. E wala akong choice. Naibook nako for this travel. Si mama dapat ang aalis pero binigay nya sa akin ang trip na ito. Hindi ko akalain na papayag si papa na instead of mama going out e ako ang aalis. haha. Yun nga lang sarili kong gastos. Maypinaipit saking 100 dollars and few pesos si mama pero for emergency lang yun kasi malaki ang nagastos sa ticket ko. October na kasi ako nakabili ng ticket tapos kailangan pang magbayad ni mama ng penalty kasi nagpabook na sya nung una.

I already have my pack of cigarette with me, cameras na two weeks akong kinukulitb ng mga kasama ko, psp filled with mp3s and pink movies na pinagawayan namin ni Vincent kasi usapan namin weekends lang sya makakagamit kasi weekdays may pasok sya kaya nasakin and kinalikot nya yesterday yung psp kaya naformat yung laman ng memory, my money and hand carry na hiniram ko kay Paul.

Natatakot ako sumakay ng eroplano kaya sana maging ok ang flight. Walang clouds especially a storm coming. Habang nagpapack ako ng gamit may mga bilin na sakin. Si Vincent nagpapabili ng Spalding na bola na hindi ko naman bibilhin. duh! Bola lang kelangan sa ibang bansa pa bilhin? Si mama nagpapabili ng Batic. Binilinan pa ako ni mama na wag akong magdadala ng bacon na underwear. haha. Ang lola ko naman nagsalita, ibibili daw nya ako ng thong. Akalain mo yun, lola ko nagsabi nun a! Si Paul, sabi nya wag ko na daw sya bigyan ng pasalubong. He just wants me to return safe. awww... He's my boyfriend kaya hindi pwedeng wala akong pasalubong for him. Si Mujang naman puppet or mask na galing Indonesia. Haay... sana talaga worth it tong travel na ito.

Celeberate The AMBUSH Difference!

to leave or not to leave?

Before slumber, Tita Ching (now that she resides in my home) and I often meet on the top of our house to puff sticks of blue cigars and talk. This time, sya lang matutulog because I have to finish a computer job.

We talked about leaving the country to find work abroud. I opened to her that I'm not comfortable leaving the country and Paul, my boyfriend. Yea, I trust Paul but do I trust myself? I believe that I'm a loyal and faithful other half but there will always be temptation to humans, most especially to gay people. I know hindi malandi si Paul but the thought that we're countries far from each other puts me in misery. I'm thinking of spending 2 years away from home and how can we survive on that 2 years. How will I talk to him? I hope by that time, i already have a wifi capable gadget that I can use anywhere so that I could send him messages often na hindi magastos. Pero, ok lang ba kung yun lang? (sigh) masakit na ulo ko. Kaya ko kayang ilihim kay Paul na aalis ako ng bansa habang inaayos ko visa? (sigh) This thoughts makes me cry.

Tita Ching shared a story about his gay friend who works abroad and have his boyfriend living with his family. I laughed. Kilala nanaman ako ng family ni Paul and kilala nang family ko si Paul. Will it be ok for my family or to Paul to live with my family? haha.. (sigh)

I want to work abroad and save fortunes then go back to my land. How will I spend that fortune, dun ko na lang malalaman kapag nakabalik na ako. hehe

Emotionally disturbed aspiring Dad.

This is one of my few long blog entries.

Few days ago I was very emotionally depressed and I don't know why. (siguro addict ako?) I tried to focus myself to one aspect of my life, my lovelife. I thought the guy could brighten me up but he didn't. Instead of building a relationship with him, I made him go away. I was very gloomy and down. I wasn't able to sleep that Monday night. 12:00MN, I decided to go standby at 7-11 near my place and puff a stick of cigar. My sister was still awake so I told her I was just at 7-11. I got bored, I SMS several friends to accompany me  and in my luck, Irving was still awake with our common friend Martin. I went to Irving's place and there, we chitchatted, check some really hot guys online and the two had a photoshoot with makeup on their face. Because of Martin, I was inspired to updated this blog. (Thanks Martin!) Me and Martin slept in Irving's place. Martin left after lunch. I was suppose to leave too but Myrrh was coming.

While waiting for Myrrh, Irving's-maid's-son, Reg was so bibo and we were talking while I surf the net.  Reg was asking so many questions. If only I wasn't able to lengthen my patience, I won't fall in love with the kid. I somehow felt why he was so kulit maybe because he doesn't have any friends in Manila and Irving was the only "guy" in that house. Also, Irving's friends came over so he was there to enjoy the crowd. Before dinner, Irving, Reg and I went to the market. Reg held my hand. I was actually enjoying what we have established to each other on out first meeting. (My syblings and I wasn't able to be like that.)  Reg told me that Irving was really good to them and among Irving's friends who were there, I was the only straight guy. I laughed. Irving noticed that Reg and I were already close to each other. I told Irving about what Reg told me.

When we came home, Alf and Thadani were already there. Thadani and I wasn't talking to each other. Okay, Thadani is the guy I was talking about. I was upset but now It's over. Before eating dinner, Jeck came and after that, Martin came back. The group watched Gossip Girls but I'm not into that kind of TV series. Finally, I SMS my Mom, "Why aren't you looking for me?". That is the question in my head when I stay outside our home late. (And when I came home, they'll scold me.) She replied, "Diba sabi mo kay Neneth 7-11 ka lang, hinintay ka nya. Nagising ang Papa mo ng 2:00, hindi natulog sa kahihintay sa 'yo. Naisip mo ba yon? Ako ngayon masama pakiramdam dahil iniisip ko kung may hinihintay pa kami. Magsabi ka lang Bonn. Bakit hahanapin kita, nagpaalam ka b? Wala ka pakialam kung nagaalala kami kaya nga hinahanda ko na sarili ko may tatawag n nakakulong ka o kung ano nangyari sayo. Pilit kitang inuunawa pero binabaliwala mo kami." I wasn't finish reading her message, my phone rang. I answered the phone and its my Mom. From the tone of her voice, I knew it will lead to drama. I went outside the room, I wasn't comfortable so I went to the bathroom. We cried. I was touched about what my Mom told me. She asked me, "May hihintayin pa ba kami Bonn?" My tears fell continuously even the phone call was over. I went back outside Irving's room but I can't go in beacause I'm crying. I don't want to make a commotion. My friends heard my sobbing. I asked for tissue.

After the show, we went to Burger King. Thadani left without saying goodbye to me. I SMS him "why aren't we talking?" but I didn't recieve a reply. Before I left BK, I went outside to smoke with Myrrh and Jeck. They told me that Thadani was a good catch and they already understand why I want him. But it was too late, he's gone.

When I was already near my place, a couple with their son rode the jeepney where I was in. The kid sat on his father's lap and the mother sat beside me. I remembered Reg. I told myself I want to experience that moment with my son. I would like to have a son like Reg. I hope to see him again. Reg will go back to his town after few days. I'll miss him. I've learned that I have to make my own way for me to love a kid. I should also have patience. Well, I am an elementary teacher but dealing with kids is not really my forte.

Before I slept, I realized that I was a jerk and Thadani was too. I laughed. I don't like jerks.

A year long no relationship

Yan ang katibayan na isang taon na akong single dahil iginuhit ko yan sa aking malaking salamin nung dinala ko sa bahay ang huli kong katipan. Lol. Kadire b? haha. nililinis ko naman ang salamin ko pero yung part na yan, hindi. kasi tuwing titingin ako sa salamin, parang may thought box sa taas na nagsasabing "I'm in love". Lol. korni no? Pero ewan! hindi ko rin alm kung bakit hindi ko binubura yan pero inaamin ko naiisip ko sya dahil yun relasyon namin, pwede kong sabihin na "sayang!".