I am such a party pooper

Saturday 6pm I was suppose to meet Irving and Jeh at SM Centerpoint. Irving asked me to design a gown for his cousin. 5:30 I told him that I can't make it at 6pm and we'll just meet at the batcave at 8pm. My friends were expecting me at 8:30 but I came late. I cried before going to Mujang's. I was able to arrive almost 11pm na. for these past few weeks they always see me upset so they gave me a surprise party. There, Arbie aka Negra made me laugh. Bojo was so hospitable and kind. Mujang was mujang. Bessy Erick and his bf Bryan prepared food for me. Thank you to them and to Irving, Jeh, Roelle, Jepoy and Mujang's maid. With them, I found home. After the kainan, we went to Malate and I met Von, my long lost "twin" and it was a bad night for him too.

I went home drunk and I was in slumber the whole Sunday. When I woke up, maraming tao. My Dad hired his friend to cook a feast. I won't forget Mang Mar. We were alone in the 2nd floor and he asked me to give a gift to my Dad's birthday in exchange of the celebration he gave me, a baby. My cousins were there. My aunt told me that my dad invited our relatives for my bday and graduation party. Shucks! I didn't know that my family will celebrate my birthday because it's already 5 days late. So there, I just cleanned the mess and my mom scolded me because of the hickies she found around my neck.

All this time he's in misery

Wala pang isang oras nawalan na ako ng pagasa. Kanina pa dapat ako nasa Batcave and nagpapparty. My friends gave me a surprise party and M still here in front of my pc crying. HIndi ko na kaya preasure sakin. Kung suicidal lang ako two weeks ago pa ako patay. People will cry at hindi ako. Ako na umiiyak ngayon dahil hindi magawa ang inuutos gawin ng ibang tao at ng puso ko. Hindi ko na kaya. Naka makeup ako at basa na buong mukha and katwan ko. I wish god didn't made me this talented na pinaghihirapan ko idevelop since birth na ako lang ang nakadiscover without other people's help especially my family. I don't want to be compared to anybody kapag hindi ko magawa mga dapat kong gawin. Ayoko na talaga. Ayoko na. I fucking give up!

Sorry to my Bagets family. Sorry kinailangan nyo pa akong hntayin bago kumain tapos hindi rin naman ako makakpunta sa oras. sorry..

Sorry to my parents dahil hindi ko kayang gawin mga inuutos nila.

Sorry to my supervisor if they can't see my hardships. Sorry if I can't tell them all the things I have inside kasi I feel like they don't need to know naman.

Sorry to my friends kasi hindi ako nakakpagshare and happy side lagi pinapakita ko. Ayokong nakikita nila akong nahihirapan then they'll help me. I don't want to be a burden.

Sorry, to EES and EJ kasi pangit na performance ko.

Sorry God if I cant take care of this body. I'm sorry to my heart. I really am.

The Happy Go Unlucky of the day

Last night was our Baccalaureate mass and it was fun. Kakatapos lang ng birthday ko and seeing the UST's fireworks display for the firstime bago manlang ako umalis sa aking unang unibersidad na pinagaralan is the greatest gift I had recieve so far. Para akong mahuhulugan ng malalaking bola, stars, planets, hearts, flowers and etc. while my batchmates try to reach them out in the air. Sumakit nga batok at likod ko kasi as in parang nasa ulo lang namin.

Well anyway, dahil sa pagod na pago ako last night, hindi ako nagising agad at late ako nakapunta sa class ko kanina. HIndi na rin ako nagpakita sa supervisor ko kasi sasabunin nanaman ako. What's great about my visit to school is may umorder sakin ng shirt and her friends like the shirts. sana umorder din sila. haha. Kumain pa ako sa Mcdo with some of my clasmates before we went home.

Sa bahay naman, sangkatutak na utos ang naabutan ko. I had typing and printing jobs tapos sira yung printer. Sinubukan kong ayusin yung printer ng 2 or 3 hours while browsing the internet, whoala! sira pa rin sya! haha. pero nakagawa ako ng magandang template. pero pero.. sa tagal ng aking pagaayos, late na ako sa meeting ko with the bagets. Magpapapprint pa ako sa labas. At dahil din sa aking pagiging camwhore, nadelete ko ang isang album ko dito sa multiply. shucks! Grr... dinelete ko pa naman yung softcopy. wala akong back-up. Asar!!!

Baka gumimick ako tonight. Finaly naka move on nako sa late affair ko. haha. Masyado xang isip bata for me e ang tanda-tanda na nya. haha. hmm... bumibilis na ang aking typing skills and hindi na ako patingin-tingin sa keyboard. Horay! I need to celebrate and I need to leave NOW!!!