Gay Swimmer Misses Swimming

Takte ako yun! haha. Hindi naman to social suicide no? sa picture, ako yung nasa extreme right. Xempre, kulang ang team sa picture. Pasaway iba e.

After watching Manay Po 2, I felt something strange and I don't know why. Up to now, hindi ko pa rin alam kung ano yun but certainly it's about the part when Jiro Mano entered the swimming team. Before, playing in waters is my hobby but now, thanks to Jade, swimming became my sport. 4 years ago, Jade pulled me to the Education Swimming Team tryouts. In the middle of the pool, I got cramps but I didn't drown and able to kiss the coach. I still got in the team. Haha. I don't know kung nagpakadiscreet ako pero I know, I was myself all along.

May mga sinabihan naman akong ilan na girls kasi ang hirap din kasi magpigil lalo na kapag pinaguusapan nila boys tapos you want to say, "oo nga!" Haha. I stayed for 4 years kahit mahirap, kahit hindi ako nakakakuha ng shiny gold medals, all because I love swimming, diving and goofing around even the water is freezing. Ehem! Kontrolado ko naman sarili ko. Bihira ako mamboso. haha! Hirap din naman kasi. Mga kasama ko trunks lang ang suot at fit-na-fit. Gawd! Drooling over those bumps, abs, chest at iba pang cuts. shet! Ok. Enough. haha!

Before I said goodbye to my almamater, sabi ko sa team mates ko may secret ako. Ilang araw yung pinagusapan sa GM(group message). Pinipilit nilang alamin. haha. Yung mga ka batch ko sa team, I told them about my sexuality during our retreat. I wrote them a letter. Going back to the "secret", hindi pala secret yun. Like I said, I was just myself, I wasn't effeminate yet I'm open. Yung iba, piniga pa ako kasi hindi daw yun ang secret ko. Na-touch ako, sobra. I was afraid that people might avoid me because I'm gay kasi issue yun e, bakla na athlete at nasa swimming team pa, but my team didn't. Tanggap ako ng teammates ko. Awww...

I miss them, batch '04-'08. After the training, kakain kami before umuwi. haha. Sa kanila lang ako nakakain ng 5 cups of rice. grabe diba!? Namiss ko rin yung hiraman ng sabon, shampoo tapos alam ko may nagpasabon pa sa likod. haha. Kamiss!!! Sarap mag stretching.

Teacher Mila(Milla)

Some of my friends call me teacher Mila because I'm the one who they thought has the devotion to teaching. haha. I miss my gay friends kahit pa lagi kami nagkikita-kita.

What about this entry? I'm begining to fall down again. All I can say is that, I need to earn for my second degree. I need a job which have good compensation and would help me gain my education on MMA. I need to buy gadgets pa. I know my Mom promised me that I'll have my second degree after the LET pero I'm beginning to lose hope. Marami kasing pinapagawa parents ko ngayon and talagang tinututukan nila ng gastos.

Bakit ba kasi tinuloy ko na educ na lang kunin ko. Well, wala naman kasi akong magagawa, sa UST lang ako nagenttance exam. Lol. yun na lang lagi rason ko. haha. Wala kasing pera sa teaching talaga. I know I can earn upto 20k sa pagtuturo pero i know kulang yun. sa visual aids pa lang gagastusan ko talaga yun. haaay.. Siguro, by now, I have my own studio.

I'm so broke right now. I have my art workshop for kids ngayong summer. I'm not happy with the class. It was late for me to realize na mahirap magturo ng arts kapag iba't-iba ang age ng students mo. halos wala rin akong nakuha sa mga bayad nila. haay.. I'm going to teach still life today kaya I need to buy things pa. wala rin palang laman ang bahay namin. Asar!!!

I was on my bed, trying to sleep. I can't help but imagine myself on my own glass desk. I have my large flat screen monitor, working on a poster for a theatre event. I have my own printer and a continous ink system installed. I have a shelve of books about art and graphic design at my back. I have my i-touch attached to my very cool speakers, listening to good music. Grr...

All this time he's in misery

Wala pang isang oras nawalan na ako ng pagasa. Kanina pa dapat ako nasa Batcave and nagpapparty. My friends gave me a surprise party and M still here in front of my pc crying. HIndi ko na kaya preasure sakin. Kung suicidal lang ako two weeks ago pa ako patay. People will cry at hindi ako. Ako na umiiyak ngayon dahil hindi magawa ang inuutos gawin ng ibang tao at ng puso ko. Hindi ko na kaya. Naka makeup ako at basa na buong mukha and katwan ko. I wish god didn't made me this talented na pinaghihirapan ko idevelop since birth na ako lang ang nakadiscover without other people's help especially my family. I don't want to be compared to anybody kapag hindi ko magawa mga dapat kong gawin. Ayoko na talaga. Ayoko na. I fucking give up!

Sorry to my Bagets family. Sorry kinailangan nyo pa akong hntayin bago kumain tapos hindi rin naman ako makakpunta sa oras. sorry..

Sorry to my parents dahil hindi ko kayang gawin mga inuutos nila.

Sorry to my supervisor if they can't see my hardships. Sorry if I can't tell them all the things I have inside kasi I feel like they don't need to know naman.

Sorry to my friends kasi hindi ako nakakpagshare and happy side lagi pinapakita ko. Ayokong nakikita nila akong nahihirapan then they'll help me. I don't want to be a burden.

Sorry, to EES and EJ kasi pangit na performance ko.

Sorry God if I cant take care of this body. I'm sorry to my heart. I really am.

The Happy Go Unlucky of the day

Last night was our Baccalaureate mass and it was fun. Kakatapos lang ng birthday ko and seeing the UST's fireworks display for the firstime bago manlang ako umalis sa aking unang unibersidad na pinagaralan is the greatest gift I had recieve so far. Para akong mahuhulugan ng malalaking bola, stars, planets, hearts, flowers and etc. while my batchmates try to reach them out in the air. Sumakit nga batok at likod ko kasi as in parang nasa ulo lang namin.

Well anyway, dahil sa pagod na pago ako last night, hindi ako nagising agad at late ako nakapunta sa class ko kanina. HIndi na rin ako nagpakita sa supervisor ko kasi sasabunin nanaman ako. What's great about my visit to school is may umorder sakin ng shirt and her friends like the shirts. sana umorder din sila. haha. Kumain pa ako sa Mcdo with some of my clasmates before we went home.

Sa bahay naman, sangkatutak na utos ang naabutan ko. I had typing and printing jobs tapos sira yung printer. Sinubukan kong ayusin yung printer ng 2 or 3 hours while browsing the internet, whoala! sira pa rin sya! haha. pero nakagawa ako ng magandang template. pero pero.. sa tagal ng aking pagaayos, late na ako sa meeting ko with the bagets. Magpapapprint pa ako sa labas. At dahil din sa aking pagiging camwhore, nadelete ko ang isang album ko dito sa multiply. shucks! Grr... dinelete ko pa naman yung softcopy. wala akong back-up. Asar!!!

Baka gumimick ako tonight. Finaly naka move on nako sa late affair ko. haha. Masyado xang isip bata for me e ang tanda-tanda na nya. haha. hmm... bumibilis na ang aking typing skills and hindi na ako patingin-tingin sa keyboard. Horay! I need to celebrate and I need to leave NOW!!!