gi'me a good title

I'm not confident about how I look. I'm so thin since I was young. I went to the doctor for check up, guess what he told me? I told him I want to be fat, I dont want to bethin anymore. He said, "other people are dying just to be thin.." Man! is he crazy? I told him I dont want to be thin anymore. And I'm not those girls who are becoming anorexic just to be thin. and I am not a girl that is why I want some meat in mo body. That Doctor is crazy. Then I was watching Extreme Make Over. I love this show. I love how they make people beautiful and boost their esteems through science. It was right timing, one of the people they gave a makeover is a thin guy. I'm gonna do what they did to him. They gave him food such as potatoes, mayonaisse, ketchup, sour cream, patties, pizzas.. I'm gonna do it. And Its not only that I'm thin, got no alliby, I'm U-G-L-Y. Thanks to a guy who posted tips about how to take care of your face. Now I know.

I was with my friends at "gay's way" (Gateway mall at Cubao) and I was so bored. I was tapping the table and my bestfriend Erick noticed it know what he did? He showed me the "Darna!" video that pissed me but it did made me laugh. Well, Darna is a superhero, Filipino counterpart of Wonder Woman. Narda becomes Darna if she swallow her stone and shout her name. In the video, after the lady shouted she became a naked gay transexual then enters music and he danced crazy. I told Erick before that who ever done that video is mad. I'm gonna punch that transexual if ever I see him. well, enough about that. I noticed that moment, my bestfriend is really sensitive about my condition, I was bored that's why he showed me the video. I told him the video is not funny but I did laugh. I was hillarious. I love my bestfriend.

Yesterday, I received my first cookie from my students. I was only a substituite. They were nice and kind. The younger your student, the nicer they are. Although they're comparable to animals gone wild. lol. Their voices are in high pitches and they move a lot. Still they're nice. They made me want to teach kids again because of what they gave me. They gave me cookies even it's no longer their recess. They shared me their books. I smiled. And they really like talking.

Even Shit Deserve Respect

Man! Shit ako. Do you know that?! And I noticed I've been using the term "man" often lately. I don't know, but I think I’m making someone else in me again. Am I trying to escape something? I even dyed my hair and now I want to cut it and dye it again. Honestly, I'm meeting a lot of guys lately. And most of them are shits too. I met a horny professor and a horny unfaithful guy. But both of them are nice. But man, they are shits! They made shit of me. And they’re part of the reason why I feel shit right now. But I don’t blame them. I’m lost and I’m trying to find myself again. I also met a guy graduated from UST. You won’t believe me but he’s a shit too. He took me to his house and guess what he did? Instead talking with me, he talks to his God damn dying phone. I deserve some respect man! That is the only thing I want in a guy, respect. I have the right to be choosy yah know that? I have pride too. And the shitiest thing I discover. I still love Ken. I didn’t cry when we decided to leave the relationship we had. Maybe that is what I’m escaping from; realizing that it fucking hurt man! And this is not shit anymore. It’s real. I really like him. I really do. And every time he post things in his multiply, I see the relationship we have here. Man! He’s my husband. Until now I haven’t shed some tears. I want to see him again, talk to him again about us, plan things. Darn it! I want him back.

I feel awful about myself. The song way back into love is for me. That is what my heart wants to shout out loud.

Summer Love

7:48 I woke up. I don't know why but I look for my mobile phone. Normally I would just close my eyes again and sleep. 2:30 am, Ken said, "Bonn, we need space. I'm sorry..." I admit, I can't stop myself from texting him but I found out I can't also cry for him. I stayed for a few minutes in bed then I took a bath. I'm standing in front of the mirror then I contemplate. I want to find out the meaning of the Spanish line that he said to me but I think there's no need. I was planning to bake some muffins for him. I bought a cook book for that but its useless. I still want to give him this drawing but I think he won't see me now. Now, I just hope, we'll do well. To help what I feel, I listen to the songs of Maria Mena (fragile), and Hale. I wish I have tears flowing down on my cheeks that I can wipe. I want release this emotion. I wish I can tuck myself under my blanky and sob. So he was just a dream.

UST Hospital Rm. 311

This video is really cool. check it out and tell me your insights.

Kapag hindi lumabas, malas mo. Pero magcomment ka pa rin.

Paranoid is dangerous to you health

Ken: Bon I think we need to settle things about us

Bon: We really need to talk about us. Kelan natinpaguusapan?

Ken: I dunno, this ain't healthy anymore. What ya' think?
Bon: I don't want us to part..
Ken: We don't have to part. We just have to set limitations. I felt guilty na rin kasi...
Bon: Limitations sa?
Ken: Between us. We barely see one another... Acads might also be a factor..
Bon: Yea. I want to see you often as I can but we're gonna be busy busy.
Ken: Yup, I don't want us to part as well. I still want us to be friend. Or even best friends.
Bon: What!? So you mean..
Ken: We're gonna be friends 'til we make this a healthy one. I don't wanna close this din. It's hard to be in a commitment if we can't prove it to ourselves. We're not closing it though. Just limit it to friends. as in parang lovers yet not committed.
Bon: You mean like a fling?
Ken: No, di to fling. I just want to enrich this relationship. Feel ko we gone too fast. Then if we're sure na with the commitment then that's the time we make it to one. Alam mo parehas tayong nangangapa with one another..
Bon: ok. I'm afraid.. Sana hindi ka mawala. Sana maayos natin to..
Ken: There's nothing wrong with us naman. Ano ba?
Bon: Ewan ko, natatakot talaga ako. Or paranoid nanaman. Ken, I want this relationship to work. yoko mawala ka.
Ken: Ngerf! Pls don't close your doors for others. Malay mo there's much better than me. You deserve someone better. And we're not closing this, right? You can entertain others if you want. Just that if our calling comes tayo pa rin a. (smiley)
Bon: I want to lean my head over you shoulder and punch you.. Err.. Loyal ako Ken. hindi ba mas kelangan natin ng commitment para maging ok tayo.. I hope you're not making reasons just to entertain another person, are you?

(binasa ulit ang mga messages ni Ken)

Bon: Ok ok. I understand now. Sorry kung pinagisipan kita ng ganun. You're right, nangangapa pa tayo and we should make sure if we are ready to be committed to one another. SIgh.
Bon: Huy! Nu na nangyari? Naparanoid lang ako. hehe. Reply naman Dyan!
Bon: Ken?
Ken: Nope, I'm doing this becuase of my academics. how selfish of you to think of that. If that's the case, I'm very disappointed... I didn't expect that from you..
Bon: I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. Ngayon ko lang naintindihan lahat. I had gone too far. I wnat to make it up to you..
Ken: You got into my nerves. Let's talk some other time. Night.
Bon: Ken, I'm really sorry.. Pls?
Ken: Good night..

Then I saw myself lying on my bed, paranoid. I'm really sorry about what I said. I wasn't thinking. I really want to make it up to him. I'm gonna bake some muffins or brownies for him and bibigay ko na yung sketch na ginawa ko. I'm gonna add a stick of rose. The only problem is, pano ko kaya sya mapapapayag ngayon na ginalit ko sya?

Then, I pose in front of my camera. Hillarious!