OUT & PROUD

Whew! that was really the news of he week. naubos load ko ng 4 days lang. feeling ko tuloy celebrity ako. Ang daming kbabalaghan na mga nangyari sa bahay. That's wha I like about my home. Medyo kagaya ko ang ngyari ky Rustom of PBB sa bahay ni kuya pero kabog ko xa. dalawang butterfly ang dumapo sakin. hehehe. heto nangyari...


?

Sinubukan kong hanapin pero wala akong nakita. Sa labis kong kaantukan nakatulog na ako na hindi naghuhugas ng kamay. Kinabukasan meron ulit. Nasa hita ko nung una tapos napunta sa daliri ko. Hinampas ko sa hangin ang aking kamay at may tumunog ulit sa sahig. hehe minulto ako nung butterfly.

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This is my slogan now!

Nuon pa naman proud na ako sa sarili ko e.
Wish ko lang ganyan katawan ko!

I'm OUT!!! Yahu!!!

June 2, a lot of bad things happened. I thought I'd end up dead but no, I end up on the arms of Chio. We spend the night and morning of June 3 together. Everything that could happen happened but I'm not satisfied. I still can't feel if he feels the same way I feel for him for me even we're not yet committed to each other. I sacrificed a part of me, my rule. But that's fine now. Like what I said it happened. Before leaving The Heritage Hotel (Yes, sa Heritage Hotel, kaming dalawa lang) he asked me for a date. We'll watch the movie Omen together, I can't wait. (He loves me. He knows I love Horror film! Vaughne, wake up!)

When I reach home, I took a cool bath. The scent of my love on my body flows and slowly fades away. (Shet and drama! Parang "Beauty is skin deep, I'm deep") I texted Chio if he knows that my love is real. He answered, "Opo... alam ko mahal mo ako." Thn I replied, "... Pano ko mapaparamdam na mahal na mahal kita at hindi basta mahal lang? help??" Then the sweetest conversation happened via SMS that suppose to be face-to-face.

Aika and I watched the movie Manay Po on the afternoon. Before the movie ended, I told my bestfriend that I'm not happy with the movie. Yah its funny and really nice but I'm not happy. I'm depressed. I told my gay and bi friends not to watch the film. (sorry po. Pero tangkilikin nyo pa rin ang piulikulang Pilipino!) It is a source of inspiration, you'll love the film but is the story could happen in real life? After the movie, I was dancing like fever. Manay, Manay po there. Manay po here… I was crazy. I liked the steps and song although I don't know the whole lyrics.
When I came home, I remembered that I asked God for a sign. What is the sign for? Not so long ago, I always tried to tell my Mom about my sexual orientation but I always fail. I need to know the right time. I locked my self on my room and texted my Mom.

"Mama, may matagal na akong gustong sabihin. Pero kahit hindi ko rin
naman ata sabihin e alam nyo na. Pansin nyo naman sakin yun bata pa lang ako. Pansin nyo rin naman na most of my friends are girls. Hinihintay ko lang na
tanungin nyo ulit ako tulad dati (when I was still in HS). Pero ayoko na
maghintay kaya ako na magsasabi, Bading ako. wala naman masama dun e. medyo natagalan ang pagamin ko because I'm afraid of Dad. He told me before that he doesn't have a son like me... I love you and I know that you love me. I hope
nothings change after this..."

My mom told me that they love me. (Aika, kaso hindi sinabi na kahit ako na ang pinaka masamang anak e. hehe kasi ako na ata yung pinakamasamang anak wakekeke) They want me to change. If need something, I just need to ask. They will look for guidance council, psychologist or psychiatrist to help me. It's hard for me to say that I can never change again. I've tried to avoid it and tried to change but this is already who I am. They have expectations. They don't want me to live my life alone and lonely. They're afraid that I might end up no where. I was able to tell my Mom that I'm a child of dreams. I was able to feel and experience all. If I will fail, I can start a new beginning, I can stand again.

I was also texting Yuri, my friend, about how big the impact of the movie to me. Yes, it's really big. Thanks to the movie I was able to tell my Mom that I'm a Gay-Man. I was able to explain why I became like this. Now, I'm just on my room, afraid of what's for me outside.

I thank chio. He asked why. It's because he's the source of everything. Without him, I can't move. He is my inspiration, my reason. I was able lo make him smile then he asked "... sino ba ako. I can't even return almost everything you gave." (This is it; I can still give more you know!) Then I asked if he knows who he is to me and why I let "something" happened on the hotel. He said yes and "I'm sad kasi I know you deserve more. And I know I'm depriving you of what you need to have." (Ahhh! The same reason kung bakit nakikipaghiwalay sakin mg ex ko. What's wrong!?) I asked if we could talk over the phone. He declined then he said, "I'm gald I have you right now... and I'm really happy... let's just settle for that and enjoy what we have muna." (Muna? I can still wait and hope.)

Tapos na pictorial ng Education Journal. Some said that our department, Arts and Lay-out, had the best shot. Just some. I was realy pissed of by Bobby. After the pictorial its turn for the Mobile Phones to take place. Yah, took some pictures using my camera phone. Back to the picture. I asked Bobby to have a picture with me. After the shot he said, "standout." what is he implying. I know he's cute. yah cute as in next to kapangitan. He really start to pissed me off, actualy nakapag simula na xa nung una pa kaming magkita. Arfgh!

Hmmm... buti na lang magaganda mga gising ko. know why??? It's all because of Chio. Yep, I've fallen in love with him. He is so cute as in next to beautiful. He is so understanding and kind. I don't really care if he's gonna leave me. (he needs to fly to Australla, to his Dad) I just need to be happy that I've met someone who can fill my life even for just a not so long time. Excited na ako kasi sasama nya ako sa Heritage Hotel. Kaming dalawa lang. Haha wag sana maudlot. I can't wait!!! lapit na kasi e.

La lala lala...

My days are getting worst. Yesterday i woke up with a very red eyes. I didn't know that that is the effect of wearing an expired contact lenses. Shet, I love my contact lenses. Now I just have to throw them away. Then at school, my classmates in Logic call me genius. They say it's because our professor like my attitude, way of thinking and i have to pay back for the quizes i missed, absences and tardiness. My grades are going down because of of my stupidity. See? I'm not genius, I'm stupid! I'm so stupid not to wake up early. I'm suppose to have a failing mark already beacuse of my absences but our professor doesn't want to fail me, i know, because I think. hahaha, hope that my classmates are not mad at me.

In my Computer class, wow finally something interesting came up. Yes! I learned something I can use. I learned new tags for webpaging using html. I really like my work. Some retro freaks and girlalous, maybe, will like it. here it is!. Remember to click the "Sign up here" on the upper left hand cornder ah!!! astig yung ilang ginawa ko dun e hehe. Medyo nakakabadtrip din kasi may Ad ang yahoo... pero ok na rin yun!

Then I'm missing Chie. We're not texting very often. as in not often. not even sometimes. huhuhu... Chio is the one who's cheering me up by texting time to time. Asking simple questions or greetings. Also, naka UNLIMITXT ako!!! My friends are already mad at me because of the jokes I sent them are so korni. Well that's me! but i still don't know if chie and I will have a date. Mr. Lonely again. I understand him naman e. He's with his family now so he should enjoy. I know he prioritize them a lot. I just have to be happy for him. I should try without thinking of my misery. I'm glad I met another person named Chio (different from Chie, here you go Aikz!). but I think my feelings for Chie will now go to Chio...

Xet! my nakalimutan pa ako. Grr... nu kaya yun!? Ayun! I'm getting ahard time telling my Mom about me beaing a Gay-Man already. Well, I'm not yet really sure. but, one thing for sure, magugulat mga friends ko na hindi na ako Bi. everytime I want to approach my Mom parang ayaw ng panahon. Una, I was ready to approach her but she went to her bedroom to sleep. Tapos minsan wala naman xa sa bahay. Then, after I get my allowance, I went out of her room and think. Kung aamin na ba talaga ako. So I went back to her room, she fell asleep. I remember a quote that God squizes us to bring out the best in us. Shet, presure! I'm confident, have a very high sef-esteem but I still lack the courage to speak and decide.

boredome

Aika magtaka ka!!!!

Four jobs you have had in your life:
1. student
2. son
3. artist
4. annoying kid of other worlds... hehe (aika, mundo mu naman bibiktimahin ko buwahaha!!!)

Four movies you would watch over and over:
1. Cinderella Story (i want my own sturie)
2. Bonbonito: the revenge (hala! may muvie na ko kunyari)
3. Touch of Pink (a pink film)
4. The Grudge (english version)

Four places you have lived in:
1. Bustillos, G. Tuazon
2. Bustillos, Sancho Panza (lapit sa NU, as in.)
3. Caloocan... sa gilid ng north cemetery (oi malaki bahay namin dun!!!)
4. Balic-Balic, D. Santiago (kung san ako nakatira ngayon)

Four TV shows you love to watch:
1. Oprah
2. American Idol
3. Art Attack
4. Cartoons!!!

Four places you have been on vacation:
1. Laguna
2. Cavite
3. Quezon
4. Bulacan

Four websites I visit daily:
1. www.vonne.tripod.com
2. aika.tinig.com
3. www.downelink.com
4. g4m.com

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Siomai
2. Carbonara
3. Spaghetti
4. Chocolates

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. School
2. Bahay
3. Mall
4. sa piling nya... yikee!

…so, I’m tagging them to answer this survey as well. njoy;)
1. Martin
2. Ivan
3. Carmigz
4. Luciano
5. myke
6. mark
7. Paul
*lahat sila hindi ko close hehe

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may gusto akong iblog kaso parang ayaw ko... weird!