the sigh of the century

These few days has been very emotionally stressful for me. And its hard for me to blog my story about those days. I kept my loneliness hidden for a long time that it accidentally noticed by my mom. I burst my issues on her. It is her (and my dad) whom I should pay back all the things I missed. Thanks to my parents and friends, I saw my mistakes. All I can say, this is I saying sorry for what I've done and what I failed to see. I have failed to see what I need to be. This is I hoping for a much simpler life, a better son, a better friend, a better love one, for me, for my friends, for my suitor, and for my family. I pray to God to help me become a simple, smart, and contented kind for the better.

Diet vs. Biggie

My shifting for Sibika had already finished. Before my last day was over, I asked a student in grade 4 if I can take a picture of him. He smiled and without answering my question, he just sat down in a stool outside his classroom then I took a shot. Know why I took his picture? He looks like my ex-boyfriend and every time I walk beside or in front that kid, can't help but stare at him. I wanted to cry the first time I notice their resemblance but I was able to stop myself. I thought I'm hunted again. Well I still am. haha. I didn’t want to make a commotion inside my class. Funny we call him Diet and my exbf’s name is Biggie. Haha. I wonder who looks much better. When my class that day was over, I also notice there are lots of bold and big guys with chinky eyes in my school. Then I found myself looking for those traits in every guys I see.

uhh! aww! what d..

Two days had passed since I worked out and up to now, my body aches. My body is looking for bed rest all the time. huhu. Its hard for me to sit down, go up and down the staires, move my arms... sigh. Imagine me screaming all the time. lol. When I go down the staires, it feels like the ground is pulling me down because my whole body falls. Imagine also when I'm in the toilet. ok stop!

Myrrh and Erick wants to go to the gym with me so we're like gym buds but I think they only want to go to the gym because gyms are like haven. Lots of guys. Stocky, buff, chubby, lean.. Everytype of man can be found in a gym. drools huh?

Anyways, I don't know if I could drink any pain killers because I'm afraid that the growth of my "muscles" will be stop. sigh. Vanity. haha. I went to the gym with make up on my face. lol. you can't tell when you're going to have another guy in your life. peace out! ouch!

all lost

I lost it. I'm not in myself or maybe I am me just gone worst. I want to have a healthier lifestyle but I became an addict just because of curiosity. No, I'm not into drugs. I'm slowly killing myself. I skip meals, I do not sleep on time, and etc. Everything is written in air and now another plan came into me. I'm going to apply myself to a gain weight program in a gym. shuks! I'm really over confident. lol. I hope I can do all the things I want for myself.

I'm fixing my profile in friendster right now. You'll see it's pink. lol. I'm gay right but it doesn't mean that I'm gay so it's pink. Its because I'm gay that is why it's pink. do you get it?

Sigh. I'm really sad right now. haha. come to think of it. I usually blog when I'm sad. well anyways, I really don't have the means to flirt. really. I swear. That is why I'm sad. I can talk to other people but only with limited matters. It's hard for me to be too affectionate wit them. I'm not yet over with someone in my past (you know who he is. just read my past entries) and I don't have a mobile phone. My life is just sad. Maybe I can't move on because I simply don't want to. Maybe, this sadness gives me a pleasure I don't really understand but somehow it feels good. (huh?) Adding up to my sadness is my first boyfriend said something I did not like. shame! FYI, that picture is Chris, 1st boyfriend. lol. Obviously, I'm into chinitos.

I had so many interesting experience from this past month that I want to share. I really do but something is holding me back. Err.. I hate this. Has anybody experienced the same thing? You have all this good thoughts but your body just wont work.

gi'me a good title

I'm not confident about how I look. I'm so thin since I was young. I went to the doctor for check up, guess what he told me? I told him I want to be fat, I dont want to bethin anymore. He said, "other people are dying just to be thin.." Man! is he crazy? I told him I dont want to be thin anymore. And I'm not those girls who are becoming anorexic just to be thin. and I am not a girl that is why I want some meat in mo body. That Doctor is crazy. Then I was watching Extreme Make Over. I love this show. I love how they make people beautiful and boost their esteems through science. It was right timing, one of the people they gave a makeover is a thin guy. I'm gonna do what they did to him. They gave him food such as potatoes, mayonaisse, ketchup, sour cream, patties, pizzas.. I'm gonna do it. And Its not only that I'm thin, got no alliby, I'm U-G-L-Y. Thanks to a guy who posted tips about how to take care of your face. Now I know.

I was with my friends at "gay's way" (Gateway mall at Cubao) and I was so bored. I was tapping the table and my bestfriend Erick noticed it know what he did? He showed me the "Darna!" video that pissed me but it did made me laugh. Well, Darna is a superhero, Filipino counterpart of Wonder Woman. Narda becomes Darna if she swallow her stone and shout her name. In the video, after the lady shouted she became a naked gay transexual then enters music and he danced crazy. I told Erick before that who ever done that video is mad. I'm gonna punch that transexual if ever I see him. well, enough about that. I noticed that moment, my bestfriend is really sensitive about my condition, I was bored that's why he showed me the video. I told him the video is not funny but I did laugh. I was hillarious. I love my bestfriend.

Yesterday, I received my first cookie from my students. I was only a substituite. They were nice and kind. The younger your student, the nicer they are. Although they're comparable to animals gone wild. lol. Their voices are in high pitches and they move a lot. Still they're nice. They made me want to teach kids again because of what they gave me. They gave me cookies even it's no longer their recess. They shared me their books. I smiled. And they really like talking.