Back Pain

It has been months since I last updated myself with what's happening in my daily life. I feel sorry for myself that I have to drop out from my graduate studies due to so many problems that I have to shoulder. I'm feeling depress about being jack of all trades. People would say that I should be happy. Not having a specialty is not what I'm sad about, its being the person who knows a lot more than my subordinates and the people above me who relies on my skills. When I see something wrong or lacking in effort, I have no choice but to make it better for others for the benefit of everyone. I'm getting tired of this. The resource and back-up person. Oh I know now. It's the respect. I think I'm not getting the respect I should have.

Every week I have to stay up late or do not sleep. My body is getting weaker and weaker everyday but I have to push myself (again, for others). I'm tired. My back aches because of the heavy load I'm carrying. Still, I should keep on pushing.

Aftermath: Miki's party

Because of working at day and having my masters at night, I had no choice but to keep my camera. Yep! My camera is in hibernation inside its box for how many months now. Photos that needs retouch is still needing retouch. I have still have many photos to edit. Sigh... It's lonely.

After attending Miki's party (a very fun lady) and meeting those of her friends (beautiful people) gave me strength to hold my camera again. I know I still have ideas and concepts for photoshoots. I know I can still do photography. I know I can still somehow do make-ups. I know I can still play with lights. I love art. It shouldn't be set aside. I'll be back. I know I can. =)

PS. Panu tanggalin ang write protect ng Memory Card(SD)?

Shoot? Shoot!

Oh my? Oh my!

Almost 2 months ko ng hindi ginagamit ang camera ko. I don't know if I still have the eye.

I'm calling for a photoshoot on March 20, 2009 (Friday), 2:00PM. Shoot will take place in my place.

I need two (2) male models and one (1) female. Preferably fit and who can do their own fierce make-up but I want to have an amateur make-up artist in this shoot for a special touch.

This shoot is about addiction and phantasm. Photos will be added to each of our folios. Please bring a friend, because I'm a silent person and I know we are not that close, for the added comfort-fun zone. Bring clothes too.

Here is the list of clothes that you can bring. If you don't have all of these clothing, don't worry, hopefully you can just bring some of them.

Female get up: dress (long and short) preferably glittery, vest. printed sando, peticoat, colored or net stockings or tights, 2 pair of shoes that is completely different from each other (no rubbershoes pls!), bolero, denim clothes other than your trousers, checkered pants, scarfs, fancy bag, hair clips and beaded accessories.

Male's attire: Jeans, casual belt, polo, scarfs, vest, jacket or coat, and fedora hat. (ang onti ng panlalake pala. kung may mga damit din kayo nung pambabae dala kayo a)

Sana may makapagdala ng dress, peticoat and colored tights. hihi. i-close nyo naman ako!!! haha. Sana naman may magparticipate and maging masaya ang shoot.

21 people and a toothache

Tom will be my 21st birthday and I have a f@*king toothache killing me. I wanted to have a party at the beach with fire and drums but the errands and tasks I have to finish before the summer vacation was out of my expectations. Maybe I'll just celebrate my birthday with someone watching a horror movie. Hmm...

I listed names of people I gained something like wisdom, knowledge, or valuable experience that is unforgettable and made a very important role on my growing age, aside from my family. Here they are...

My elementary and high school friends

1. Eduardo Fernandez - My aratilis buddy

2. Kristian Idol Gutierez - Smile and laugh. Oh man he's gorgeous. haha. I miss him.

3. Jamaica Pascual - M girl bestfriend. I learned that pen really has its own powers.

My college friends

1. "Chinee" Nicole Salang - I learned pakikisama and patience

2. Iza Camil Tan - I learned to be fabulous and Jologs-ly fun at the same time.

3. Jade Concepcion - because of her, I had a sport and accepted on a team with my gayness without me even noticing that they know about my huge secret.

4. Marlina Ortiguera - being manly. haha

5. Mary Gilizabeth Sulit - I learned to fight for my friends.

6. Minaizah Migue - I learned to accept my flaws

My gay friends

1. Erick Joseph Perez - my bestfriend. keeps me sane

2. "Zico Manzano" - reminds me to treat myself as royalty and in stance. My partner in crime. Batman!

3. Arbie Ubaldo - Appreciate everything and don't be stupid.

4. Adrian Babista - "Ang nakatatanda" haha

5. Jarenz - when I see him, he makes me strive for something. hmm..

6. Roelle - Face is an investment. Charot! I learned to find beauty in simplicity.

My love issues

1. Paul Rodrigo Cordero - My boyfriend and life partner. He taught me to be humble and love maturely.

2. Christopher Trinidad - My first boyfriend. There is nothing cheap in loving.

3. Rod Meyrick Tan - First person whom I felt respect and I should be very careful in choosing a partner in life.

4. Kendrick Dominic Uy - I learned to wait and acceptance.

5. Richard Chua - Be passionate about what you want.

6. "Jepoy" - I learned to fight and run because of love.

In due time, I will payback what I gained as a sign of my gratitude. You guys so far are the best treasures and roses of my 21 years of living.

Wellness vs. Business

Well, after three months of waiting for my money that is supposed to be spent already, finally, few bucks went in. Wooooh!!!

I actually spent some already on my nails and movies. hihi. Hindi pa ako natutulog beacause I cannot, I ate cookies and marshmallows and iced tea after finishing a dreamcatcher, while watching television. I found myself bummed then I thought of my cash. How am I going to spend it?

Nose Job vs. a 5 in1 Reflector

Naplano ko na na magpa-nosejob actually matagal na. Gusto ko din magpadagdag ng jaw pero mas matindi ang "need" ko for a nosejob. 4 of my friends nagundergo na ng cosmetic surgery and they're okay about what happend. Well me, I'm not ok with my nose. Matangos naman ilong ko pero sa tingin ko hindi sapat. Oh my. I think this falls to a low esteem. shit!

Hmm.. REflector. I pretty in need of a reflector so I should buy na. Hmm.. I'm goimg to have a photoshoot with a fellow photohrapher, maybe he will bring a reflector on the set. Parasite!

Body Building vs. Business Materials

OMG! Sabi ko before magggym nako ulit para magkabump naman chest ko, dipper lines on my biceps and bigger butt. shet wala pa akong tulog kaya hindi pa pwede today. Come to think of it, I need clothes for the gym-ing! I was hillarius nung naggym ako dati. pramis, fashion victim. haha

For business materials, hmmm... I think I can dig my cabinest for things I can use for this new business. Should I? haha

Pamilya

Bakit ganun, pamilya ko ang pinakamamahal ko sa mundo. Mas mahal ko sila kesa sa mga kaibigan ko, boyfriend ko, sa bansa, sa environment. Actually mas mahal ko sila kesa sa sarili ko at sa Dyos, bakit hindi nila nakikita?

Siguro dahil iba ako, hind nila ako kilala. Kailangan ko ba magpakilala sa pamilya ko? Bakit parang hindi nila ako naiintindihan?

Bakit ibang tao ang nakakaalam kung ano magpapasaya sakin, nagpapalungkot? Ibang tao din nakakaalam ng mga problema ko pati na rin mga bagay na gusto ko gawin sa buhay ko.

Itong dinadala kong 'to, kapag nalaman nila, baka ito ang maging sanhi ng delubyo. Sila rin kasi ang nagpapasaya sakin, nagpapalungkot, nagbbigay ng sama ng loob at mga gusto kong maabot sa buhay para din sa kanila.

Isa lang ang iniiwasan kong isipin, isipin kung ano talaga ang pamilya ko sa buhay ko. Gusto kong kasama mga tao na naiintindihan ako pero sapat na ang dahilang nakikita nila akong kasama sa pamilya para mag stay ako.

I'm a registered professional teacher. Eat that!!! Wahaha!!!

I'm not yet really sure about this but my classmates woke me up with their text messages of congratulations because I passd the board exam. I texted few to verify if my name is really included there because the text messages might just be group messages, (huhu. wawa naman ako.) Then Alexz replied and said that all of 4Ed1 passed the exam. Weepeee!!!

I am now waiting for PRC to print the result on a news paper so that I can highlight my name and cut it and put it in a beautiful frame then show it off! wahaha!!!

Sana nga pasado ako kasi I'm going to have a party for this!!! Pili na lang ako ng sched. Wahaha!!! Maingay nanaman sa bahay and I'm allowed because (singing with arms moving circular) I passed the test. beacuse I passed the te-est beacuse I passed the te-est. ahihi!!

I would like to thank my uber supportive parents that time. lolz. kasi naman aminado silang pinepressure nila ako. haha. natatawa na lang ako dun kasi pinagggrocery nila ako and everything I can ask, ibibigay nila na dumating sa point na inuuto na namin ang isa't-isa. haha.

Sa mga friends and relatives ko na nagdasal na pumasa ako. Maraming salamat talaga kahit alam nyong ayaw ko talaga maging teacher. thank you ever so much!!!

Kay God, thanks for granting our prayers!! MWAH MWAH!!

Life is hard enough, it don't have to be in bed too

Lately(again) have been very stressful to me. I tend to feel sleepy after two days. Right! I sleep every after two days and now I'm sick and I'm having a hard time sleeping.

Well few days ago, Paul and I had a fight about me not doing well in the relationship, while fighting my high school friends are waiting for me, and in the end we found a way to finish a problem. We finished fighting in the middle of the road almost 2:00 dawn. Hey! Kami pa rin.

When I finally caught up with my friends, the party was already over but luckily, they were just walking home so I was able to run after them to give Aika back her SLR. We first went to Milo's place. There, Aika and I was able to buy a beautiful bag. I bought a traveling bag worth P550.00 from EGG. (Can someone check the price of the bag in the mall please?) After escorting Milo home, we went to Mayettes, my all-time-favourite Tapsilog-an. Yipeee... Then we went home.

Before I went to sleep (which I never had) Aika texted and the SLR is broken. hmmm... What am I gonna do? I'm excited about my prenup shoot with my cousin at La Mesa Ecopark (hmm... maybe that is the reason I can't sleep!) So I didn't sleep. I waited for Zico and My cousin and her fiance at home. The scheduled departure time at my house is 9:00 AM but then, finally we left at around lunch time. We all got exhausted and bug bites and while going back home, we got comedy from Zico and the cab driver. haha. The driver was realy funny. We need to keep him awake actually. Zico noticed that the driver is sleepy that's why need everyone to laugh.

When we got home, Zico and the couple left. I wated for Paul to come. After dealling with Paul, we went to Zico's then went to Timog to drink. There came Bobby and his friend Lester. We were waiting for Jeff but he didn't came. I actually invited several people but soon before we entered Gerry's Grill I found out that they are all architectures.

We all got drunk specially Paul. Before the bar closed, we went home. In the cab, Paul andI fell asleep. Luckily we were driving at the right route. We woke up near my place. haha. Finally at home I got the chance to sleep but before we slept, I gave Paul his dream date moment. haha. What is that? It's a big secret. I posted a note on my door to wake us up at 7:00 AM because I need to attend the Murder 2 by Dense and RJ but we we're too tired to stand up so we continue sleeping. We woke up it was already afternoon. We ate 2 pair of cheese burger each while watching a nice epic battle movie then after Paul went home.

Due to uploading the behind the scenes of the prenup shoot I wasn't able sleep on time so I wasn't able to wake up on time and go to work. I was sick (Well, right now I'm sick again) I got off my bed before dinner.

Now I'm typing this entry. It's 5:30am and I wish I can attend to my job flawlessly. Sighs

Southeast ge'away!

Kakatapos ko lang mag-ayos ng mga gamit ko sa lougage na hiniram ko kay Mujang. After few hours, my aunts and I will leave the country and head to Singapore, Indonesia and Malaysia. Its a four days tour. Ang money ko na ipangbibili ko ng DSLR e hindi ko akalaing mapupunta dito. ='( If I have the option to choose between those contries and the DSLR that I was dreaming about, I would rather have the camera. huhu. E wala akong choice. Naibook nako for this travel. Si mama dapat ang aalis pero binigay nya sa akin ang trip na ito. Hindi ko akalain na papayag si papa na instead of mama going out e ako ang aalis. haha. Yun nga lang sarili kong gastos. Maypinaipit saking 100 dollars and few pesos si mama pero for emergency lang yun kasi malaki ang nagastos sa ticket ko. October na kasi ako nakabili ng ticket tapos kailangan pang magbayad ni mama ng penalty kasi nagpabook na sya nung una.

I already have my pack of cigarette with me, cameras na two weeks akong kinukulitb ng mga kasama ko, psp filled with mp3s and pink movies na pinagawayan namin ni Vincent kasi usapan namin weekends lang sya makakagamit kasi weekdays may pasok sya kaya nasakin and kinalikot nya yesterday yung psp kaya naformat yung laman ng memory, my money and hand carry na hiniram ko kay Paul.

Natatakot ako sumakay ng eroplano kaya sana maging ok ang flight. Walang clouds especially a storm coming. Habang nagpapack ako ng gamit may mga bilin na sakin. Si Vincent nagpapabili ng Spalding na bola na hindi ko naman bibilhin. duh! Bola lang kelangan sa ibang bansa pa bilhin? Si mama nagpapabili ng Batic. Binilinan pa ako ni mama na wag akong magdadala ng bacon na underwear. haha. Ang lola ko naman nagsalita, ibibili daw nya ako ng thong. Akalain mo yun, lola ko nagsabi nun a! Si Paul, sabi nya wag ko na daw sya bigyan ng pasalubong. He just wants me to return safe. awww... He's my boyfriend kaya hindi pwedeng wala akong pasalubong for him. Si Mujang naman puppet or mask na galing Indonesia. Haay... sana talaga worth it tong travel na ito.

Celeberate The AMBUSH Difference!

to leave or not to leave?

Before slumber, Tita Ching (now that she resides in my home) and I often meet on the top of our house to puff sticks of blue cigars and talk. This time, sya lang matutulog because I have to finish a computer job.

We talked about leaving the country to find work abroud. I opened to her that I'm not comfortable leaving the country and Paul, my boyfriend. Yea, I trust Paul but do I trust myself? I believe that I'm a loyal and faithful other half but there will always be temptation to humans, most especially to gay people. I know hindi malandi si Paul but the thought that we're countries far from each other puts me in misery. I'm thinking of spending 2 years away from home and how can we survive on that 2 years. How will I talk to him? I hope by that time, i already have a wifi capable gadget that I can use anywhere so that I could send him messages often na hindi magastos. Pero, ok lang ba kung yun lang? (sigh) masakit na ulo ko. Kaya ko kayang ilihim kay Paul na aalis ako ng bansa habang inaayos ko visa? (sigh) This thoughts makes me cry.

Tita Ching shared a story about his gay friend who works abroad and have his boyfriend living with his family. I laughed. Kilala nanaman ako ng family ni Paul and kilala nang family ko si Paul. Will it be ok for my family or to Paul to live with my family? haha.. (sigh)

I want to work abroad and save fortunes then go back to my land. How will I spend that fortune, dun ko na lang malalaman kapag nakabalik na ako. hehe

Emotionally disturbed aspiring Dad.

This is one of my few long blog entries.

Few days ago I was very emotionally depressed and I don't know why. (siguro addict ako?) I tried to focus myself to one aspect of my life, my lovelife. I thought the guy could brighten me up but he didn't. Instead of building a relationship with him, I made him go away. I was very gloomy and down. I wasn't able to sleep that Monday night. 12:00MN, I decided to go standby at 7-11 near my place and puff a stick of cigar. My sister was still awake so I told her I was just at 7-11. I got bored, I SMS several friends to accompany me  and in my luck, Irving was still awake with our common friend Martin. I went to Irving's place and there, we chitchatted, check some really hot guys online and the two had a photoshoot with makeup on their face. Because of Martin, I was inspired to updated this blog. (Thanks Martin!) Me and Martin slept in Irving's place. Martin left after lunch. I was suppose to leave too but Myrrh was coming.

While waiting for Myrrh, Irving's-maid's-son, Reg was so bibo and we were talking while I surf the net.  Reg was asking so many questions. If only I wasn't able to lengthen my patience, I won't fall in love with the kid. I somehow felt why he was so kulit maybe because he doesn't have any friends in Manila and Irving was the only "guy" in that house. Also, Irving's friends came over so he was there to enjoy the crowd. Before dinner, Irving, Reg and I went to the market. Reg held my hand. I was actually enjoying what we have established to each other on out first meeting. (My syblings and I wasn't able to be like that.)  Reg told me that Irving was really good to them and among Irving's friends who were there, I was the only straight guy. I laughed. Irving noticed that Reg and I were already close to each other. I told Irving about what Reg told me.

When we came home, Alf and Thadani were already there. Thadani and I wasn't talking to each other. Okay, Thadani is the guy I was talking about. I was upset but now It's over. Before eating dinner, Jeck came and after that, Martin came back. The group watched Gossip Girls but I'm not into that kind of TV series. Finally, I SMS my Mom, "Why aren't you looking for me?". That is the question in my head when I stay outside our home late. (And when I came home, they'll scold me.) She replied, "Diba sabi mo kay Neneth 7-11 ka lang, hinintay ka nya. Nagising ang Papa mo ng 2:00, hindi natulog sa kahihintay sa 'yo. Naisip mo ba yon? Ako ngayon masama pakiramdam dahil iniisip ko kung may hinihintay pa kami. Magsabi ka lang Bonn. Bakit hahanapin kita, nagpaalam ka b? Wala ka pakialam kung nagaalala kami kaya nga hinahanda ko na sarili ko may tatawag n nakakulong ka o kung ano nangyari sayo. Pilit kitang inuunawa pero binabaliwala mo kami." I wasn't finish reading her message, my phone rang. I answered the phone and its my Mom. From the tone of her voice, I knew it will lead to drama. I went outside the room, I wasn't comfortable so I went to the bathroom. We cried. I was touched about what my Mom told me. She asked me, "May hihintayin pa ba kami Bonn?" My tears fell continuously even the phone call was over. I went back outside Irving's room but I can't go in beacause I'm crying. I don't want to make a commotion. My friends heard my sobbing. I asked for tissue.

After the show, we went to Burger King. Thadani left without saying goodbye to me. I SMS him "why aren't we talking?" but I didn't recieve a reply. Before I left BK, I went outside to smoke with Myrrh and Jeck. They told me that Thadani was a good catch and they already understand why I want him. But it was too late, he's gone.

When I was already near my place, a couple with their son rode the jeepney where I was in. The kid sat on his father's lap and the mother sat beside me. I remembered Reg. I told myself I want to experience that moment with my son. I would like to have a son like Reg. I hope to see him again. Reg will go back to his town after few days. I'll miss him. I've learned that I have to make my own way for me to love a kid. I should also have patience. Well, I am an elementary teacher but dealing with kids is not really my forte.

Before I slept, I realized that I was a jerk and Thadani was too. I laughed. I don't like jerks.

A year long no relationship

Yan ang katibayan na isang taon na akong single dahil iginuhit ko yan sa aking malaking salamin nung dinala ko sa bahay ang huli kong katipan. Lol. Kadire b? haha. nililinis ko naman ang salamin ko pero yung part na yan, hindi. kasi tuwing titingin ako sa salamin, parang may thought box sa taas na nagsasabing "I'm in love". Lol. korni no? Pero ewan! hindi ko rin alm kung bakit hindi ko binubura yan pero inaamin ko naiisip ko sya dahil yun relasyon namin, pwede kong sabihin na "sayang!".

Gift ko kay Mama for Mothers Day

(click nyo yung may hyperlink para makita nyo yung picture ng gift ko)

I made a card for my mama and 3D sya. Pop-up kasi and collage yung cover. I printed photos and glued it on a cardboard then I piled them up to make a collage then I added some flowers. On those flowers, you'll see the word, "mama!"

At first, I wanted the card to be all white except my message but the card got dirty so I colored it using felt tip markers.

When you open the card, a door will open and a boy holding a gift will come out. galeng diba?
pinaghirapan ko yan. Actually mangiyak-ngiyak ako habang ginagawa yan kasi I was imagining her reaction kapag nakita na nya yung card. It's my first time give something I made for my mom. Ang huli kong naaalala na binigay sa kanya is a cake I bought from red ribbon for her birthday and a bag i bought at wow philippines for mother's day. Now, I'm going to give her a card I made specially for her.

Gay Swimmer Misses Swimming

Takte ako yun! haha. Hindi naman to social suicide no? sa picture, ako yung nasa extreme right. Xempre, kulang ang team sa picture. Pasaway iba e.

After watching Manay Po 2, I felt something strange and I don't know why. Up to now, hindi ko pa rin alam kung ano yun but certainly it's about the part when Jiro Mano entered the swimming team. Before, playing in waters is my hobby but now, thanks to Jade, swimming became my sport. 4 years ago, Jade pulled me to the Education Swimming Team tryouts. In the middle of the pool, I got cramps but I didn't drown and able to kiss the coach. I still got in the team. Haha. I don't know kung nagpakadiscreet ako pero I know, I was myself all along.

May mga sinabihan naman akong ilan na girls kasi ang hirap din kasi magpigil lalo na kapag pinaguusapan nila boys tapos you want to say, "oo nga!" Haha. I stayed for 4 years kahit mahirap, kahit hindi ako nakakakuha ng shiny gold medals, all because I love swimming, diving and goofing around even the water is freezing. Ehem! Kontrolado ko naman sarili ko. Bihira ako mamboso. haha! Hirap din naman kasi. Mga kasama ko trunks lang ang suot at fit-na-fit. Gawd! Drooling over those bumps, abs, chest at iba pang cuts. shet! Ok. Enough. haha!

Before I said goodbye to my almamater, sabi ko sa team mates ko may secret ako. Ilang araw yung pinagusapan sa GM(group message). Pinipilit nilang alamin. haha. Yung mga ka batch ko sa team, I told them about my sexuality during our retreat. I wrote them a letter. Going back to the "secret", hindi pala secret yun. Like I said, I was just myself, I wasn't effeminate yet I'm open. Yung iba, piniga pa ako kasi hindi daw yun ang secret ko. Na-touch ako, sobra. I was afraid that people might avoid me because I'm gay kasi issue yun e, bakla na athlete at nasa swimming team pa, but my team didn't. Tanggap ako ng teammates ko. Awww...

I miss them, batch '04-'08. After the training, kakain kami before umuwi. haha. Sa kanila lang ako nakakain ng 5 cups of rice. grabe diba!? Namiss ko rin yung hiraman ng sabon, shampoo tapos alam ko may nagpasabon pa sa likod. haha. Kamiss!!! Sarap mag stretching.

Teacher Mila(Milla)

Some of my friends call me teacher Mila because I'm the one who they thought has the devotion to teaching. haha. I miss my gay friends kahit pa lagi kami nagkikita-kita.

What about this entry? I'm begining to fall down again. All I can say is that, I need to earn for my second degree. I need a job which have good compensation and would help me gain my education on MMA. I need to buy gadgets pa. I know my Mom promised me that I'll have my second degree after the LET pero I'm beginning to lose hope. Marami kasing pinapagawa parents ko ngayon and talagang tinututukan nila ng gastos.

Bakit ba kasi tinuloy ko na educ na lang kunin ko. Well, wala naman kasi akong magagawa, sa UST lang ako nagenttance exam. Lol. yun na lang lagi rason ko. haha. Wala kasing pera sa teaching talaga. I know I can earn upto 20k sa pagtuturo pero i know kulang yun. sa visual aids pa lang gagastusan ko talaga yun. haaay.. Siguro, by now, I have my own studio.

I'm so broke right now. I have my art workshop for kids ngayong summer. I'm not happy with the class. It was late for me to realize na mahirap magturo ng arts kapag iba't-iba ang age ng students mo. halos wala rin akong nakuha sa mga bayad nila. haay.. I'm going to teach still life today kaya I need to buy things pa. wala rin palang laman ang bahay namin. Asar!!!

I was on my bed, trying to sleep. I can't help but imagine myself on my own glass desk. I have my large flat screen monitor, working on a poster for a theatre event. I have my own printer and a continous ink system installed. I have a shelve of books about art and graphic design at my back. I have my i-touch attached to my very cool speakers, listening to good music. Grr...

A sudden getaway

Ok. Biglaan to, as in. Nabadtrip lang kasi ako kay Jepoy kung bakit hindi sya makasama sa Puerto Galera kung hindi ako sasama e wala naman kasi sa plano ko na pumunta dun kasi kapos ako sa budget. Nagaway pa kami ni Jepoy kasi ang dami kong tanong tungkol sa mga eksena nyang ganun at hindi naman nya ako sinasagot. Nagdramahan kaming dalawa at ito ang huling salita naming dalawa..

Jepoy: Bonn, hindi laging kailangan ng matinding dahilan just to define something.
Ako: All I know, there's a reason behind everything. Hindi naman ako humihingin ng matinding explanation e. I'm wondering thet's why I keep on asking. HIndi ka naman insensitive diba?
Jepoy: Ok..

Nakakabadtrip diba? Nakkabaliw na sya. So he decided na pumunta ng wala ako. At dahil dun, gusto ko na pumunta kaso bigla kong naisip na graduating ako. Alam nyo naman ang folklore na baka mamatay ako then biglang dumating ang honorarium ko sa EJ. Ang saya diba?? I asked a sign kay God na kapaga nagtext si Jepoy about Puerto Galera pupunta ako. Suddenly napagisip-isip ko, hindi ko kailangan ng sign. Ayokong pumunta sa Galera dahil lang sa kanya. Pupunta ako dun kasi B-day ni Loida at gusto ko makasama bestfriend ko kahit pa kasama nya boyfriend nya. Kaso hindi ako nakasabay sa kanila kaninang umaga dahil may class pa ako. Tumakas ako sa school ng lunch to meet a customer, while waiting sa mall, bumili nako ng trunks and boardshort. I'm so happy kasi nakabili ako ng Billabong. After the shopping, I went back home to fix my things. Pinagsabihan nanaman ako ni mama. Pero wala na akong pakialam, she keeps me busy and I wanna unwind. HIndi pa ako nakakapag-paalam kay papa. bahala na.

I am such a party pooper

Saturday 6pm I was suppose to meet Irving and Jeh at SM Centerpoint. Irving asked me to design a gown for his cousin. 5:30 I told him that I can't make it at 6pm and we'll just meet at the batcave at 8pm. My friends were expecting me at 8:30 but I came late. I cried before going to Mujang's. I was able to arrive almost 11pm na. for these past few weeks they always see me upset so they gave me a surprise party. There, Arbie aka Negra made me laugh. Bojo was so hospitable and kind. Mujang was mujang. Bessy Erick and his bf Bryan prepared food for me. Thank you to them and to Irving, Jeh, Roelle, Jepoy and Mujang's maid. With them, I found home. After the kainan, we went to Malate and I met Von, my long lost "twin" and it was a bad night for him too.

I went home drunk and I was in slumber the whole Sunday. When I woke up, maraming tao. My Dad hired his friend to cook a feast. I won't forget Mang Mar. We were alone in the 2nd floor and he asked me to give a gift to my Dad's birthday in exchange of the celebration he gave me, a baby. My cousins were there. My aunt told me that my dad invited our relatives for my bday and graduation party. Shucks! I didn't know that my family will celebrate my birthday because it's already 5 days late. So there, I just cleanned the mess and my mom scolded me because of the hickies she found around my neck.

All this time he's in misery

Wala pang isang oras nawalan na ako ng pagasa. Kanina pa dapat ako nasa Batcave and nagpapparty. My friends gave me a surprise party and M still here in front of my pc crying. HIndi ko na kaya preasure sakin. Kung suicidal lang ako two weeks ago pa ako patay. People will cry at hindi ako. Ako na umiiyak ngayon dahil hindi magawa ang inuutos gawin ng ibang tao at ng puso ko. Hindi ko na kaya. Naka makeup ako at basa na buong mukha and katwan ko. I wish god didn't made me this talented na pinaghihirapan ko idevelop since birth na ako lang ang nakadiscover without other people's help especially my family. I don't want to be compared to anybody kapag hindi ko magawa mga dapat kong gawin. Ayoko na talaga. Ayoko na. I fucking give up!

Sorry to my Bagets family. Sorry kinailangan nyo pa akong hntayin bago kumain tapos hindi rin naman ako makakpunta sa oras. sorry..

Sorry to my parents dahil hindi ko kayang gawin mga inuutos nila.

Sorry to my supervisor if they can't see my hardships. Sorry if I can't tell them all the things I have inside kasi I feel like they don't need to know naman.

Sorry to my friends kasi hindi ako nakakpagshare and happy side lagi pinapakita ko. Ayokong nakikita nila akong nahihirapan then they'll help me. I don't want to be a burden.

Sorry, to EES and EJ kasi pangit na performance ko.

Sorry God if I cant take care of this body. I'm sorry to my heart. I really am.

The Happy Go Unlucky of the day

Last night was our Baccalaureate mass and it was fun. Kakatapos lang ng birthday ko and seeing the UST's fireworks display for the firstime bago manlang ako umalis sa aking unang unibersidad na pinagaralan is the greatest gift I had recieve so far. Para akong mahuhulugan ng malalaking bola, stars, planets, hearts, flowers and etc. while my batchmates try to reach them out in the air. Sumakit nga batok at likod ko kasi as in parang nasa ulo lang namin.

Well anyway, dahil sa pagod na pago ako last night, hindi ako nagising agad at late ako nakapunta sa class ko kanina. HIndi na rin ako nagpakita sa supervisor ko kasi sasabunin nanaman ako. What's great about my visit to school is may umorder sakin ng shirt and her friends like the shirts. sana umorder din sila. haha. Kumain pa ako sa Mcdo with some of my clasmates before we went home.

Sa bahay naman, sangkatutak na utos ang naabutan ko. I had typing and printing jobs tapos sira yung printer. Sinubukan kong ayusin yung printer ng 2 or 3 hours while browsing the internet, whoala! sira pa rin sya! haha. pero nakagawa ako ng magandang template. pero pero.. sa tagal ng aking pagaayos, late na ako sa meeting ko with the bagets. Magpapapprint pa ako sa labas. At dahil din sa aking pagiging camwhore, nadelete ko ang isang album ko dito sa multiply. shucks! Grr... dinelete ko pa naman yung softcopy. wala akong back-up. Asar!!!

Baka gumimick ako tonight. Finaly naka move on nako sa late affair ko. haha. Masyado xang isip bata for me e ang tanda-tanda na nya. haha. hmm... bumibilis na ang aking typing skills and hindi na ako patingin-tingin sa keyboard. Horay! I need to celebrate and I need to leave NOW!!!